Matthew Hussey - Serving The Kingdom

I'm "Fine"

Sun, 7 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I wrote an essay last week that really made me think. The topic of the essay was to describe my experience here at Roberts so far and how it has made an impact on me. As you might imagine, trying to sum up the total experience of hundreds of new relationships, difficult courses, unforgiving teachers, long essays, interesting food, and everything else that has made my college experience unique turned out to be no small task.

But there are several things that stick out in my mind about my experience here at Roberts. Since I am a transfer student, the first thing that has distinguished Roberts from my former school is how very down-to-earth and fun people are. I have found so many different people that I can relate to in so many different ways. Above all else, I love that we can talk about almost anything. It's possible to have conversations with various people about faith, marriage, sex, family, friends, sports, life, religion, politics, God, and almost anything else.

But I've also noticed that, despite our ability to talk about all these things, not very many people will actually open up about our real struggles in life. I know we have the ability to be real and authentic when it comes to faith and God, but many of us (myself included) hide these deep personal issues, keeping the hurt bottled inside. Most of us are very weary, I imagine, carrying these heavy burdens around, all the while wearing a mask of carefree happiness.

Maybe you can begin to ask yourself some of these questions, as I have: What would it mean if someone were willing to take the time to minster to your needs and listen to your complaints? Are you in need of a listening ear? Why do we close our eyes and shy away from helping one another? Where does this polite, "respectful" silence surrounding our life issues come from? Who says you have to deal with them all by yourself? Not God. Jesus said, "Come unto me all who are weary and burdened, and I shall give you rest" (Matt: 11:28). If we are to be Jesus-followers, we should also be doing that for one another. As Shane Claiborne said, and Krista Tippett quoted during our Academic Day conferences this past week: "Who we are to one another is one of the most important questions of our day."

We are all imperfect here, and at times we prefer to hide behind masks rather than face whatever issues exist in our life. It's a paradox in our nature to hide those things that hurt us the most. Isn't that interesting? What is it that we fear? Perhaps we fear being judged. Perhaps we just don't believe we are strong enough and we need the support of others before moving forward. But if we are to be real Jesus-followers in this world today, we need to begin, as Jesus did, making the Word flesh. Just as Jesus put on real skin and bones, action and emotions, got up and walked around in real shoes (or sandals), and started touching real people's real hurts.

We all long to be understood. We all wish there were someone out there strong enough to break down the walls we build up every day. We hide behind masks, waiting for someone with the courage to look behind the mask and uncover the real person that God intended us to be. Christ has set us free, and we are free indeed, but we still fear, and our fear keeps us from living out our faith. We are like the prisoner Eowyn spoke of in the Lord of the Rings. "What do you fear?" Aragorn asks. She answers, "A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them." What habits and struggles, sins or problems have you become a slave to? How can you begin to gain freedom?

My challenge to each of you reading this is article is not necessarily to find someone to talk to about your issues, though I pray you can do that also. My challenge is that you go out and start listening to the needs of others. Ask God to give you eyes to see and hearts to feel the hurt around us all. When Jesus looked out on the crowds, he had compassion on them and saw them as sheep without a shepherd. We may not be shepherds like Jesus, but we can certainly listen and point people towards the good shepherd. We can pray for others, encourage them, and show them the love of Christ. And it's my prayer that we would all gain strength from sharing our burdens with one another and learning to face challenges together. I challenge you also to read through the book of 1 John, which is all about showing love to your brother. I'll finish with this challenge from 1 John 3:16 and 18: "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters... Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions."

How can we go wrong with love?

Don't Read your Bible Today

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Do you ever feel like you're going through the motions in your walk with God? Like you read your Bible because you have to, and pray because you feel like you should?

It seems to me like whenever I try to do what's right in my own strength, I end up failing. Sure I could commit to reading the Bible every day or waking up really early to pray and do Bible study. But I've learned time and time again that if my heart is not in it, then I don't get much out of it. I go through the motions. So what are we supposed to do?

You know what I think? I think we really need to stop trying so hard. We need to stop forcing ourselves to pray and read the Bible simply because "it's the right thing to do." I think that God is patient with us, and would rather hear our complaints and excuses then to hear us try to do things on our own and fail. I'm not saying we should be deliberately give up just because it's hard. What I am saying is that we need to be real with God. Talk to God and be honest. There are numerous examples in the Psalms when David cries out with brutal honesty about his fears, his lack of trust, or the terrible life situations he is going through. And you know what? God never rebuked David for his lack of faith. God was there even more in the moments when he lacked faith, because when we are weak, he is stronger. When we realize that we cannot do things on our own, we learn to trust more in God. That is perhaps why David was one of the greatest kings of Israel, because he was real with God, and it made a difference in his life.

Let's just look at another case example from Scripture to better illustrate what I mean. Not too long after Jesus had risen from the dead and the Apostles started preaching in Jerusalem there were people given over everything they owned so that they might serve God better (no one was ever asked to give up anything). And this couple, Ananias and Sapphira, for whatever reason also decided it would be a good idea to sell their possessions but keep some of the money back. God decides to do something about it, and their punishment was swift: the both of them fell over dead immediately after being accused by Peter.

So what's the point of this little story? The point is God doesn't need our money, or our prayers, or anything else from us. The one thing God wants is the one thing we most loathe to give away: our hearts! Just think what a change it would make in our lives if instead of having to wake up early to pray to God we actually wanted to wake up early to meet with Him. Or if instead of having to tithe our 10% "duty", we gave whatever was in our hearts to give?

Why do you think Jesus said that the greatest commandment is simply to love?

My challenge to each and every one of you reading this, the next time you talk to God, don't just follow the same old pattern of "dear heavenly father, bless me, and help them, and thanks for food and shelter, amen." Why not actually talk to Him like he's actually there listening to you? Read the Bible as if he's actually speaking to you. Make it personal. Journal if it's easier for you, but express to God what you're actually feeling. Let God into your heart, because the real source of change is not actually us, but it is God working in us, from the inside-out.

Announcing

Tue, 9 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So I guess with this blog I want to officially announce a new beginning in my life. I've been hoome from Africa for only about 4 and a half months. It's crazy, because sometimes the experiences we had are so clearly remembered I would think they happened just yesterday. And other times it's like it was forever ago. I do miss living in such an awesome and challenging place, and I will always remember Africa as one of the greatest influences on my life. But now I back home again, and struggling to get on with life. It's so different when you know you're living as a missionary, and when you come back to the US.

Yeah I guess we sometimes think that in order to be a missionary you have to live in a jungle somewhere where there are no Christians and walk around in khaki pants learning tribal languages...One of my most important lessons from Africa is that you don't have to be in the middle of the jungle to be a missionary. In fact, my time in Africa showed that their culture is actually not so different from ours. They struggle with questions about their faith, living out the commands of the Bible, and sharing their faith with others, just like we do in America. So what does it look like to be a missionary to ones' own culture? That is the questions I keep asking myself over and over again.

A part of me wants to simply fall back into prior habits of conformity, quietness and maintaining the status quo. Another part of me believes that I should "be intentional" wherever I go. Kind of like pretending like I'm in some the jungle where nobody knows God, and I am their only hope. Maybe being a missionary simply means following the Spirit's leading, and allowing him to use me wherever I go. I honestly don't know. All I know is that today I am not the same person I was when I left for Africa one year ago. And I know it will be hard, but this coming year I also want God to do amazing things in my life. Africa or America. "jungle" or city. missionary or student. Jesus, take me as I am, and use me for your glory.

An Old Note

Mon, 1 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This following "post" I actually wrote back in November of 2007 on my facebook account, and I've just gotten back to re-reading it. A lot of this stuff I personally experienced during my time in Africa, and I wanted to share it with you all, it's about discipleship, and Jesus' method of bringing sheep into the fold; I hope you enjoy:

I've been reading this book called The Making of a Disciple by Keith Phillips, and I highly recommend it to anyone who has a heart for ministering and discipling others. It's really starting to become my own conviction in life to disciple others in Christ, even in full-time ministry somewhere. To become a disciple means more than to become a Christian. One can easily claim to "have Jesus in their heart," but a rare few of those ever learn to actually follow Jesus. This following is what being a disciple is all about. Jesus's first command to the twelve disciples was not "go and preach to all the nations," it was simply "follow me." Anyone who was willing to leave his job, his family, his home began the long process of following Jesus, and not all of them made it. Indeed even one of the twelve betrayed him.

Those who did stay with Jesus, and later became his apostles, his witnesses to the world, they were not special because they were well-educated. If God wanted well-educated people he would have called the Pharisees. They weren't rich, or well-known, or even especially faithful when they started. They were called because they were obedient to him. They followed him. No matter what they had to give up, or what sins they had to repent of, they obeyed. Just look at the life of Peter. He had to change from being self-righteous and over-confident, to where God could use him to serve. God even used the experience of Peter's denial to change him into a humble servant. "Just as the son of man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." And when Jesus reinstates Peter, he says to him in John 21:18-19 "I tell you the truth, when you were youngeryou dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go...Follow me!" Jesus was trying to make a point here, he was telling Peter that it's more important that you be humble and listen to what I tell you, then for you to try to earn your own salvation.

A true disciple, a true "leader," as Jesus put it, is someone who first of all sumbits to God, then secondly, becomes a servent to others. How do you actually submit to God? What does that mean? It means that whatever it is that's more important to you than God must be abandoned, and given to God. Paul said: "whatever was to my profit I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things" Philippians 3:7 Basically, the disciple must become like Christ in all things. Paul makes an astounding claim that we must actually crucify ourselves, that Christ might dwell in us fully. For all intents and purposes we have become dead people walking around. We are corpses for Christ, but he doesn't leave us that way. The sooner we abandom any claim on our lives, and our time on this earth, the sooner he begin a new work in you. (Galations 2:20, Romans 6, Romans 12:1-2) What is the work that God wants us to do? Like I've been saying, first and foremost he wants to transform you into Christ's image. To made like Christ in death, and thereby like him in life as well. Becoming a Christian is not about what you do, but who you are. God wants your hearts first.

What does God want you to do once you have put yourself to death? Listen to the words of the Great Commission again, and think about them: "Therefore go and make disciples of all the nations." He didn't say go and make converts, he didn't even say go and make Christians, he said make disciples, or better understood, followers. And how does one learn to follow Christ? They must know Christ in order to become like him, so the only way for them to learn is to be around Christians. This is a serious matter, because it's not just about telling them the gospel, it's about teaching, correcting, rebuking, training in righteousness. Jesus spent 3 years with his disciples, and they still weren't quite perfect. How much longer must be bear with one another in teaching young Christians. Paul states that "though there are 10 thousand guardians in Christ, there are not many fathers."-I Corinthians 4:15. Most people don't have someone to personally teach them and help them grow in Christ. Paul was a father to the churches he planted. He did not simply preach a sermon, and then leave them. No, but he persevered and did not stop until they were spiritually mature themselves, and able to teach others. Paul loves with an intense love for all of his spiritual "children," and he truly suffered and bled for many of them. Just skimming through the Bible, it's hard to miss the intensity with which he cared for his flock of wandering sheep. A few verses: Colossions 1:28-29, II Corinthians 11:29, I Thessalonians 2:17-20, and many more.

The thing to remember is that discipleship is God's chosen way of leading other into the family of God. Evangelism does a great work in making people familiar with God, but often leaves young Christians too weak to care for themselves, and dissolustioned with the church that virtually abandoned them after their conversion. Sure it looks good to be able to say that we have brought thousands to saving knowlege of Christ, but how many of them have gone on to become faithful followers, even able to spread the gospel to others. You see, then, that the proof is not in how many spiriual children you create, it's about how many grand-children and great-grand-children, that's the proof in the pudding right there. Remember Jesus spent 3 years with his disciples, day and night, they really never left him, and he was the son of God! How much longer does it take for us to teach and build up others in Christ?

If you remember only one thing from all I've said here, remember this: The best way to spread the gospel is not reaching thousands year after year who eventually lose faith and fall away. If we can only reach and truly teach 1 person every year, though it may start out slow, the numbers grow exponentially. for anyone that knows a little math, it's sort of like looking at linear graphs and exponential graphs: the linear graph starts out above the exponential, but the exponential grows slowly and eventually overtakes the linear graph. So too, reaching only 1 or 2 people every year, you will eventually reach more people than the evangelist who saves thousands year after year!! This is because every person you reach out to disciple will be able to continue the work as well. The numbers grow quickly...1,2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, 1024, 2048, 4096, 8192, 16384, 32768, 65536, 131072...
That is God's chosen way to reach the world. Don't let yourself believe that you have to be a preacher or a pastor to spread God's word. You are God's messengers! "Go and make disciples of all the nations!"

Quality Hotel in Atlanta (again)

Fri, 15 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Well I had I figured that when I got back home April 30th, it would be the last time I would ever seen any of my AIM friends. But God has given me this extra special blessing of being able to come to the "final debrief" for the Jeffrey's Bay and Swaziland teams. Let me explain: on my last flight back home April 30th, there was an overbooking, so they offered a $400 voucher to anyone who would take a later flight, which I decided to take, and now here I am today in Atlanta, free of cost!

It has been such a blessing to get to see people one last time. We knew back in January when we were first splitting into our three teams that some of us may not make it to the end, some of us may go home early, or stay in Africa longer, so it could have been the "last goodbye." I guess I never expected I would be one of the people to not make it, so it was definitely a shock thinking I'd never see some of my team-mates again. But here I am!

Praise God that he is good, I get the opportunity to be united with the full team (minus Port Elizabeth's) one last time. It wasn't easy coming back here knowing I'm just going to have to say goodbye again, but I do think it was good to finally have that "closure," knowing that this trip is over for everyone. Maybe it's just a part of readjusting to normal life, part of the transition into America, I don't really know. But it feels good going into the next stage of my life, I feel more ready, more determined to step forward.

As Tag talked about for our last session together, we all have changed a great deal because of this trip, we have started out on a new path. The real challenge now, the reason we did all this, is so that we can walk in that path. Pray for me, and for all of team-mates, that we might be able to do just that. America here we come!

Quality Hotel in Atlanta

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Well for those of you still out of the loop of information (which could be most of you, since I haven't written here in awhile), me and the Port Elizabeth team have now left South Africa, and we're spending one last day together in Georgia, to kind of "debrief" and talk about our crazy experiences, life lessons, and get ready for the reverse culture shock of returning to the USA.

Even already we all feel so overwhelmed by the change that we are about to experience. We all knew that going to live in Africa was going to "change our lives," but I don't think anyone really understood what a changed life might look like. We spent a lot of our travel time together reminiscing about stuff in Africa, sometimes laughing sometimes crying. It was tough to say goodbye, I think we all cried when some of our church family woke up early to send us off in PE. Since then we've struggled to grasp the idea that we may never see these people again, and what hurts even more, is that very soon we will say goodbye to our team-mates for the last time as well. Despite having the past week to write each other notes of encouragement, to say everything that nees to be said, and hug everyone as much as possible, it doesn't make the final goodbye any easier. We are seriously and truly a family of believers here in PE, and it feels like our family is all being ripped away from us.

But we all know that God is still with each and everyone one of us, and we have hope, because we know that God is greater than any barrier of distance or time. One day we will all be together again in glory, and perhaps then we can understand why God brought us through such a difficult time together. It's not for us to know the answers now. But now is the time for us to have faith.

I'm pretty tired from all this travelling, and I'm not even done yet. But I have a quick two hour flight back to Rochester tomorrow! Then I can finally just crash and let things sink in for good. I hope that even though this trip and missions experience may be over, you will all still keep in touch and look out for more updates. I guess I get to keep this blog page, so I'm sure I'll continue to use it for whatever journeys God has for me next. Until then, God bless, and thanks to you all for reading, praying, supporting, or even just thinking of our team! I love you all and I'll be home soon!

Seasons of God

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

It's really hard for me to explain in full detail what I'm going to say. But it's been decided that it is time for our Port Elizabeth team to go home. I'm sure if you've been following this blog you've heard some of the hardship we've gone through this semester. Nicole decided first that God was calling her home and we said our goodbyes then. And one week later we found out that Victoria was also ready to go home, and we had to say goodbye again. We thought things were finally getting back to normal, when on April 5th Sarah Buller died very suddenl in a car accident. This was by far the hardest "goodbye" we've had to say yet. We spend one week doing nothing but grieving our loss and trying to hold everything together. Even then the question was being asked "what is our team going to do now?" Can we really bounce back after this incredible loss? We were at a loss then when we heard on April 12th that three more people needed to go home. They were all of them especially close to Sarah and it's understandable they needed to get away from this place. They were not ready to continue their ministry and it was in the best interest of everyone that they left. But one again we were sad and at a complete loss for what to do next. We spent one week with friends in another city to get away from our ministry and just clear our heads and try and get in touch with the Father again. Thanks greatly to the love of Tom and his wife Cindy, who opened their house to us, we have started to feel a little more normal again. We've been worshipping God through all this, and seriously thought about what it that we need to do next. And that's when we remembered that God has been in control of this from beginning to end. It's not as if he was ever unsure of what would happen, or surprized. He knew this and planned it this way. And of course He has a purpose in it. That's why we say that "his ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts." we can't ever really comprehend why all this happened, but the only thing we can do is to trust in God and praise him through it all. There was a time meant for us to be here in Port Elizabeth, and we did a lot of ministry and hopefully changed some lives in the process. But now God is ready to start something new again. We are all very sad that we have to leave earlier than we had planned. But we are going home joyful that the real purpose behind this trip was accomplished: to make the Father known to everyone that we met! And hopefully that ministry will never come to an end!

Pray Lots

Thu, 9 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

One Last Update for everyone still following the tragic accident...

Our team has really been struggling. Honestly it's hard to know how to handle all this. And we don't really know what the next few weeks are going to look like. We do have a lot of help. The church here has taken care of a lot of the details. Yesterday we had a memorial service for everyone here in South Africa to dedicate and celebrate the life of Sarah Buller. As was said many times, she died doing what she loved the most.
But now we are still here and left to pick up the pieces where they have been left. Each one of us is struggling in their own way, I'm sure. So I wanted to ask that if you have committed to praying for this team, to please start praying for all the individuals:

Andrew Anderberg

Kevin King

Sara Patterson

Meghan Jarrell

Leah Rush

Jessica Emerson

Johanna Sharp

Lisa Derrah

and our leaders:

Chelsea Short

Rebecca Arnold

Dee Dee Huey

pray also for the family of Sarah Buller, the church here, and for wisdom in knowing what our team should do next. Thanks so much. This really is our time of need. And we need the strength of the Lord on our side. So unite with us in seeking God in this time. It doesn't matter how far we are away physically, you can make just as much a difference spiritually!

Are you serious?

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I feel like the question that keeps coming up over and over again is this: "So what are your plans for next year? What are you going to do when you go back home?" Several of my teammates have now started making plans to stay in South Africa indefinitely. One of our leaders is excited that she has got into culinary school next year. Others have internships lined up, or other missions trips. For me, that question has been quite a struggle lately. I'm almost afraid to answer the question, because even if I did know what I wanted to do with my life right now, I will almost undoubtedly change my mind within the next few years anyways. It's hard to be committed absolutely to a life path at this age, and yet there it is, being forced upon me. Do I want to go to college and get a degree in math education? That would leave the most options for the future, and it still leaves me opportunities to return to the mission field somewhere and use my skills to help others learn (and teach).

Two recent events have caused me to rethink this however. First, in a conversation with my teammate Andrew about the future, we were just talking and then he said he got a picture in his head about my future. He said he saw me on the top of a big tower that spirals up, sort of like the Tower of Babel. I don't know how many of you would realize the hidden meaning behind this (as a matter of fact, Andrew didn't either), but to me it meant that I've been trying to reach God of my own efforts, and continuing to fail, because I don't rely completely on God. The story behind this is in Genesis 11 if you don't know it already.

Anyways, this got me thinking quite a bit about myself. And the problem is I knew this was a problem already, and just didn't want to think about it. I am often worrying more about what I should do for God, and not about what God has already done for me. "This is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son to be an atoning sacrifice for our sins."(1 John 4:10) So I don't know if God wants me to change my actual career path (go to college for math education), or just change the attitude that I approach whatever career path I choose (an attitude of complete surrender to Him). But then a few days later I started to get serious and decided to sit down and pray about it. I told God that whatever he wants me to do, I will do it, because I do believe that his way is the best way. I don't know what prompted me to do this, but I thought to myself, I'll open my Bible and start reading, and if I read a passage about "staying" somewhere, then I would take that to mean God wants me to "stay" with my own plans. And if I read a passage about "moving" somewhere, or going somewhere else, then I would change my plans, and again seek God's will for my future, whatever that might be.

I don't know how many passages there actually are in the Bible that talk about "moving" or "staying," so I kind of figured that it might take awhile. And if I didn't get an answer for awhile, you know, I could always assume it was just up to me to decide. But apparently God didn't want me to get away with that, because the very first passage and the very first verse I read was 1 Samuel 25:1- "Now Samuel died, and all Israel assembled and mourned for him; and they buried him at his home in Ramah. Then David moved down into the Desert of Paran." At this point I'm thinking, okay God, you're actually really serious about this aren't you? This is actually a really big decision for me, and I don't take it lightly at all. I genuinely want to follow God in this, even if it's hard. It would mean taking a big risk in my life, but risk is always necessary for growth and learning.

I haven't yet received any of kind of revelation about what I should do. Until recently, I haven't seriously considered any other options. So basically I'm asking that people would be praying for me. Our spring break starts at the end of next week, and I'll be spending time then praying and fasting over this as well. And thank you in advance for all your prayers, they are much appreciated!

Knowing God

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So I shared with some of the youth this past Wednesday on the topic of Knowing God, and I just wanted a brief explanation here as well, just incase anyone is interested in reading it. The youth really seemed to enjoy it, and I feel that in many ways "knowing God" is the key to changed lives. To quote one of the books we read last semester: "to be in the presence of God is to change."

I started off by showing them the above video, to get them thinking about how great out God truly is. And then for a discussion starter, I opened with the question: "how do you see God changing lives today? How has he changed your life and how has he changed others around you?" Obviously there were a lot of different answers, but I remember them saying "surrender" and giving control over to Him was big.

I talked about four different ways that God rejects us for trying to come to Him: the Pharisees, who who were all about finding knowledge about God, but never knew Him personally or obeyed the commandments; the Zealots, who passionately "served" God, according to their own ideas, but never discerned what God's heart really was; Old Testament Israel, which always saught to distance themselves from God by having a king, or a priest, or some other "mediator" between them and God; and finally The Rich Young Ruler, who represents everyone who lets their material or worldly possessions or ambitions get in the way of truly "following Jesus."

Each of the Biblical examples I tried to give examples of how we tend to do the same things today. We are very similar to the Pharisees when we seek first after knowledge about God as if that was the most important thing that mattered. The end result for them was not to cry outin worship of the mighty Creator, but to take pride in their high positions and their superior theologies. I think Jesus message to them was clear throughout the New Testament: "Not everyone who cries 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven...away from me you evildoers, I NEVER KNEW YOU."-Matthew 7:21-23. I think that God does want us to know about Him, but more important than knowing about Him, is simply to know Him. Like, for example, how much do you think it would help you to know all about your husband or wife: you know their height, weight, looks, eye color, skin color, birthmarks, how they walk, how they smell, and how they talk, but you've never spoken to them before. Is that kind of knowledge "about" them really going to help you "know" them? I also had the kids read Jeremiah 9:23-23, John 17:3, and Philippians 3:8-9

The example of the Zealots in the New Testament can be related to Christians today in many ways as well. Like the Pharisees they tend to take pride in what they have accomplished for God. They have big dreams and plans, and work hard at accomplishing them, but they are not motivated by a love for God, but by their own desires. I gave them a quote from Leo Tolstoy: "Everyone thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself." The problem with the Zealots is not their passion or their determination to do what is good, but they need more of God in their personal lives. God is not in the business of chaning men's actions, but he wants to change our hearts, and thereby eventually change how we act. But God always change from the inside-out, not the outside-in. I also had them read Mark 12:30, and John 14:15.

Thirdly, the example of Old Testament Israel, which has to do with those who distance themselves from God. Like for example, in Exodus 20:18-19, the people have just received the Ten Commandments, and they have seen God's presence over the mountain in fire and smoke and lightning, and they were afraid. And of course God is someone that we must not take lightly. For He is a mighty and jealous God, but he is also a loving and compassionate God. The problem comes when they become so afraid of God that they no longer come before Him at all, but rather they ask Moses to be their "mediator." And I think that a lot of the time we do the same thing today when we keep God at a distance and stop getting to Know Him personally. We can do that through reading stories about other believers, reading devotionals, even just reading the Bible, but never seeking after a personal relationship with God (just meditating on how others have lived). Or maybe when problems arise in your life you turn first to other things or other people, and you are not seeking the face of God for guidance and help. We looked also at the story of Israel asking for a king, 1 Samuel 8:6-9.

Finally there is the story of the rich young ruler, Matthew 19:16-26, which represents all the times we are weighed down from following Jesus because of material or worldly things or people. This is perhaps one of the easiest traps to fall into: when we begin making excuses and allowing ourselves to be distracted by the world, so that we never really become a discples of Jesus. The only thing that Jesus asked of the man was to "go and sell all your possessions so you can come follow me" (in my own words). There is a quote that I think really speaks to this situation perfectly: "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose." Why does the man walk away saddened? Because he allowed himself to be distracted by the calling of the world: "build up wealth for yourself; eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die." And it's easy for us in the same way to answer any number of "worldly callings" before we answer Jesus calling: whether it be success in this life, or making a family, or fixing up your life first, Jesus calling should override all others. We read Matthew 4:18-20, when Jesus calls his disciples, his does not want us to hesitate, but to drop everything else, and start trusting God by following him daily.

We talked a little bit about the right response at the end, but basically I want to say I don't have any perfect "3 step" process to get to know God. He gets to know everyone in a unique way and so I can't honestly tell you how to do it. I want to emphasize also that there is nothing wrong with learning about God, or serving God or God using someone else to speak into our lives, it's only when we put these things first that our relationship with God goes bad. When we trade an actual relationship for all these other things, then we don't really experience the awesome presence of God in our lives.

And one last thought: we need to be more desperate for God! God tells us in Deuteronomy 4:29 "you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul." So we must be earnest and desperate for God, or else I think we are only giving Him our half-hearted worship. Francis Chan talks about in his book Crazy Love how his daughter runs to him when he pulls into the driveway after getting home from work and gives him a huge hug, to show how much she loves him. In the same way we ought to be desperate for the God we say we love. Run into His arms.

Some thinking Questions:

Which of the above attitudes most closely resembles yours?
How can you become more desperate for Jesus?
Do you need to lay something down that distracts you or prevents you from trusting in Jesus fully?
Do you need to have a revelation of who God is: learn about His amazing love, experience his saving grace, the beauty of his creation?
Do you joyfully love others out of the love you have for God? or is it sometimes forced and difficult?
Do you feel like God is distant and he is not really listening? Read 1 Kings 19:11-13, and really try to listen to God's whispering voice!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Is this my Life?

Fri, 6 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I just wanted to give a short update on my ministry experience for the past few weeks, and everything that's been going on. I already mentioned that I do a lot with the afterschool homework and tutoring at this place called CCMP. One of the greatest needs is in the subject of mathematics, which just so happens to be my favorite subject. So we've mostly been working on the very basics like multiplication tables and how to multiply large 3-digit numbers together. It's been really frustrating at times, mostly because of cultural and language barriers. Basically the kids never ask their teachers any questions, because it would be offensive to the teacher: they think that asking questions implies that they didn't teach it well enough. So the students often come to the center with math problems that they have no clue how to solve. And when they come they don't really expect us to teach them either, but they just want us to give them the answers.

But there have been some signs of hope. I decided to make them some flash-cards with multiplication problems on them, and pretty soon we had made a game out of it. A whole bunch of kids gathered around and whoever could guess the answer first would get to keep the card, and then whoever had the most cards wins. And they actually liked playing!! I was so excited that learning multiplcation could actually be fun, it made things so much easier. And I also have been working on teaching them another game I used to play in math class way back in 5th grade called 24. There is a card with four numbers on it and they have to use all four numbers, using addiction, subtraction, multiplication, and/or division to get to 24. They find it pretty difficult, but some of the older guys have been working on it.

All in all it's been a huge learning experience for me to go to CCMP, because I want to eventually be a math teacher, so this is exactly what I'll be doing when that time comes. As frustrating as it is at times, I really feel like this it what God has given me to do. It's crazy, but I remember being like super-tired one afternoon at ministry, and just wanted to sleep. Then a student came in to get help with her homework and I just got this huge burst of energy. It's something I never really tire of doing. I suppose that's a pretty sure sign that I'm meant for this.

Our Team Could Really Use Prayer

Fri, 6 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

There have just been a ton of things weighing down on our team recently. And I thought it deserved mention here, that we would really appreciate your prayers in this time of need.

I won't go into all the details of the various situations. But I will say that there have been a lot of deaths in family members back home, and a lot of financial difficulties, with people being layed-off of work, or financial support dropping out at the last minute. There are also a lot of relational issues with families back at home, and a lot of worrying that goes along with that. A lot of people have been feeling sick, colds and allergies and other things, and that has been preventing us from doing our regular ministry.

There have also been some praises that need to be mentioned: one of our leaders, Dee Dee, got her visa renewed, so she can officially stay until we're done in May. And one of our team has come to the decision to stay in South Africa indefinitely. She's started making plans already, and we are all very excited for her, now that she knows what God's will is for her life!

Continue to pray for the effectiveness of our team, and pray against all the attacks of our enemy. He is trying to bring us down, but we will not give in. We appreciate all your prayers!

The Dryme!

Fri, 6 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Okay so for the past 4 weeks a group of us has been working on what we call a dryme (it's a skit or drama set to a song). We've been teaching some of the youth from a church here in Port Elizabeth, and just this past Sunday was the first performace. I just wanted to share with you all back at home, it was really impactful to me; even though I saw it probably like 200 times over the past 4 weeks, it still gives me chills every time.

Ideas about Sanctification

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I was just skimming through this book, Across the Spectrum by Gregory Boyd, and it got me to thinking about the topic of sanctification. The book gives a basic explanation and Biblical defense for some of the major "debates" in the Bible. It talks about topics like eternal salvation, and the incarnation and how we have tried to make sense of it all. Realistically I don't think we can ever fully comprehend everything about the Bible, but there are certain issues that have very practical application. I wanted to read about the process of sanctification, because I've been asking myself "who is it that does the work in the process of sanctifying human beings?" Obviously Jesus is the one who has justified us by his work on the cross, and His Spirit lives inside us helping us to say no to sin and yes to righteousness. And I do believe that at the point of genuine faith in Jesus for salvation, there is a conquering of sin that happens then and there. I think that most people would agree that there is a difference between the act of sin and the inward "sin nature" that all people have. It is this sin nature, inherited from Adam that Christ conquers and overcomes when we are justified. We are no longer "slaves to the sin nature," and Satan has been overthrown in our lives, but there is still a war going on, and so there is still conflict in our minds to do what is right. And that's where the process of sanctification, or cleansing from the actions of sin, comes in.

Now back to the original question: "who is it that accomplishes the work of sanctification in a believer's life?" One of the major opinions is that we must simply have faith in Christ for the sanctification to take place, and there's nothing more to be done about it. Just as the sinner is helpless to bring salvation to himself, so he is helpless to bring sanctification to himself. Based on this idea, the author writes: "The law, therefore, does not exist as a guide for the promotion of holiness; it simply functions to intensify sinfulness." This is all based on the passage in Romans where Paul is talking about the law, and how it is through the law that mankind is made aware of sin. I agree with Paul, the law sets a standard so high that no man can ever fulfill it, and so one must turn to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. But is it that really all the law is meant to accomplish? I think it's far too often that we depend on the grace of Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins so much that we don't hold ourselves accountable to that law. I'm not talking about self-righteousness, like that of the Pharisees, that comes from outwardly following the law. But I'm talking about the renovation of our hearts from the inside out. God has already given us all the grace we need to accomplish this, which is why he commands us to set our hearts on things above and not on earthly things. This is I think the essence of our becoming sanctified before God: when we consciously and deliberately set our hearts not on what the sin nature desires, but what the law demands and what the Spirit lead us to do.

"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God." 2 Corinthians 7:1

"Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did." 1 Corinthians 10:6

I do want anyone to think that sanctification is something we do all by ourselves, because it is God who must call our souls to greater intimacy with himself. But we must be the ones who will respond to the call. Righteousness is a gift from God, just as all the spiritual gifts are, but we must accept that gift and develop it within ourselves. God did not call us to be like the Pharisees, who create laws and traditions to measure themselves against and deceive themselves into feeling righteous. But we are called to follow God's law, and it is against his law alone that we can be judged. I think that too often we are like the Pharisees because we want to change everyone else in the whole world before we want to change ourselves. But if we really want to change this world, then I think it is clear that we must begin with ourselves. I'd like to leave you with a poem: some food for thought...

When I was a young man I wanted
to change the world
I found it was difficult
to change the world
so I tried to change my nation

when I found I couldn't
change the nation
I began to focus on my town
I couldn't change the town
and as an older man
I tried to change my family

now as an old man
I realized that I could only
change myself
and suddenly I have realize
that if long ago
I had changed myself

I could have made
an impact on my family

my family and I
could have made an impact
on our town.

Their impact could have
changed the nation
and I could indeed have
changed the world

A Night in the Township

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So just this past weekend we got to spend a night with a bunch of different families living in the poor communities of Port Elizabeth. They were kind enough to open their homes and offer their food and bring us to their church and experience a more "genuine" African culture. It was certainly a once in a life-time experience. We have been in the townships before, in fact most of our ministry is done there, but most of us have never been there at night. Unfortunately there are a lot of misconceptions about how dangerous it is to go there at night. So we were all on our toes, just waiting for something bad to happen. But of course it wasn't all that bad, and our hosts took real good care of us. The reality is, especially on the weekends, a lot of the adults spend their time getting drunk and partying until late into the night. As I recall it can be pretty hard to sleep when the teverns are pounding out dance music until 3 in the morning.

Andrew and I stayed with a guy at the church named Asanda and his family. The three of us and some of his friends all chatted about a lot of different things. They really seemed to like Andrew's American jokes, and then we talked about what everyone likes to do for fun. Mostly those guys just go out and buy snacks at the local Pick 'n Pay and then hang out together and talk, so that's we did for most of the time. We talked a little bit about the issues they face being young guys in a very difficuly culture. One of the biggest issues is that they have a hard time meeting good Christian girls, because they are not really supossed to "date" in their culture. If they are "dating" it is pretty much assumed that they must be having sex, whether its true or not. And since they don't want to have a bad testimony before non-believers, they have decided to hold themselves to a higher standard, which I think is really awesome. They are really strong believers because of all the difficult situations they constantly live around, and I know that God will bring them to the right people.

After we spent the night, then we went to their African church service, which is usually between 3 and 4 hours long. Thankfully we got the shorter end this time (most of us were still tired from the previous night). They love to sing their worship songs, that's for sure. In fact between every little thing that happened was another worship song, with a lot of dancing and singing throughout. Overall it was a really beneficial experience, it was definitely eye-opening. Our hope is to also bring some of the youth from the local church next time, because they are just as unaware of the black and colored cultures and we were before.

Quick Update on the Strike

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Just wanted to give an official update: the strike is now over, and we've started up with our regular ministries again. Today I went to CCMP (Combined Christian Ministries to the Poor) and we did a kid's club and and then I helped some kids working on their homework for awhile.

Thanks so much to everyone with your prayers, they have definitely made a difference!

God's Plans

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So we've had an interesting experience the last few days: all the taxis and busses in the city of Port Elizabeth are on strike as a protest against the government. I'm not really sure about the reason why, I know that the government had plans to renovate the taxi system, but I think there were a lot of people angry with how they wanted to do it. In any case, it's been hard on our team because we use the public transportation to get to our ministries every day. Fortunately, there are some places that are within walking distance and we have a car and a bus, but it can still be dangerous to drive around the city with the people protesting. So we've had to reorganize and make plans on the last minute for what we're doing. We had hoped that the strike would only last at most a few days or a week, but now we are hearing that it could last as long as a month. I think it's pretty clear that Satan is trying to disrupt our plans, but it may be that God wants us to really trust in Him and His plans.

We've had several team meetings already, and we're looking into various options, but I think we all realized that the most important response is to pray and fast that God's will would be done. We talked about it a lot, and we know that the only reason God allows things like this to happen is because it's a part of His plan. But we still need to pray and seek him for what he wants us to do. Just because this is not what we expected doesn't mean that we can't still use it as an opportunity to do bigger things.

I would really encourage anyone back at home reading this that now is a very important time to pray and fast for the city of Port Elizabeth. Not only is it dangerous for those driving around in big vans (like ours), there are also a lot of people in the poor communities that won't be able to get to work and so won't have any money to get food. Pray also for the all the men who drive taxi and are now at home, not all of them happy about it either. Pray for all the families whose lives are going to be disrupted because of this.

Ministry Update

Fri, 6 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The last few weeks have been a great opportunity for me to do work at a local

Christian center called CCMP (Combined Christian Ministries to the Poor). The center has a

lot of functions, but the most important are that it collects and redistributes food for

the poor communities, it runs preschool and afterschool programs for the kids to get help

with school and to learn about God, and it helps to build ties with the churches in the

area and those children truly in need of assistance.
Most of the assistance that our team provides is with the programs that are run with

the kids. For example, every morning throughout the week is what's called the Edu-care

program, which is for young toddlers about 4-7 yrs old. They have sometimes as many 40 kids

come in daily, so there was a great need of help needed with that. We help to feed them

lunch and keep them under control as best as possible. In the afternoons there are several

different programs throughout the day: Mondays and Wednesdays we have two different kids

group (8-13, and then 13-19 yr olds), and Tuesdays and Thursdays we have soup kitchens

(for the school kids, before them go home). The program that I am most interested in

getting involved in is the tutoring and homework help that goes on every afternoon from 12

to 5 PM.
Working with kids and helping with their homework is actually quite fulfilling to

me, I like to know that I am helping to get them a better education, and perhaps doing my

part to bring some of them out of the poor communities, into universities and out into the

world, where they can accomplish something. One thing that really scares me about South

Africa, something that I've only recently realized: the reason why there are so many people

in South Africa without jobs is not because they do not have jobs available, but it's because

the people of South Africa are not educated enough for those jobs. Basically, the problem

is not unemployment, but the "umemployability" of the people. Of course the overall goal is

not just for them to receive an education. The contribution I hope to make is only one small

part of a larger process where we hope to win them, and many more through them, for Christ.

But how will we they ever spread the gospel, if they don't believe in themselves enough to

go out into the world? For the most part those who grow up in poor communities live in those

same communities their whole lives simply because that's all they know. They've never had the

opportunity to truly dream, to think about what life could be like if they just worked for it.

And that is the most valuable part of a good education: the ability to think big, and to work

hard to achieve your dreams.
The homework help at the center is still fairly new, and so we are still "feeling

out" how it will all look, but I have high hopes. There are plenty of volunteers in the

afternoons to help all the kids with the assignments they have, but hopefully soon we

can actually start to teach them new things as well. A lot of them struggle with their

math (thankfully that was always my favorite subject), so we'll probably work on the

basics for awhile: multiplication tables and adding and subtracting mentally. Eventually,

whether we do lessons or review, or even playing games, the hope is to get them to

really begin to believe in themselves.

Taking Risks

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So I was talking with one of the youth leaders from the church that's hosting us today. And after talking for awhile, he decided to give me a challenge, something that he thought I should work on: and that is taking risks. And I guess it was something I've been thinking about for awhile, I agreed it was something I needed, and also I wanted to do. In fact part of my reason for coming on this trip was to challenge myself, and to do something that would require a lot of faith. But even now, as I am finally here in Africa, I have become very much "settled" again, and life has become more of routine than a faith-based style of living. It is hard to live everyday based on faith, but I do believe it can be done. Tash, the guy I was talking to today, just mentioned how he is always thankful to God that he makes it home safe every day, because there are just so many things that can go wrong on something as simple as a drive home. But he also sometimes steps out in faith, and takes risks, he will go up to strangers and start conversations, he will pray for healing over the disabled, he speaks whatever God is prompting him to say, no matter how crazy it might sound. And through all these things, God is growing his faith.

But even your risk-taking must go back to a deeper source within. It is not always as simply as making a one-time decision to do something and then you are living by faith. You must also have strong convictions about what you believe. If you genuinely believe what the Bible tell us is true, then you would not be afraid of what Jesus commands us to do. Set free the captives, proclaim good news to the poor, heal the sick, and raise the dead even! Jesus performed miracles so that the people would believe the truth of his testimony. His apostles did the same, and why can we not also have the faith necessary to at least pray for miracles to happen? We rationalize and we put off and we ignore these things. But God commands us to have faith, to go out and make disciples of all the world! Surely we are in a risky business. Just think of the risks that Jesus had to take every day: constantly the Jews were after his very life, and the crowds could easily turn on Him to stone him at any time. He even knew the risk he would have to take in carrying the cross for our sins, and yet He took it. He did not back down, and he did not give up. Why can't we also just step out in a little bit of faith? The Bible says if we have faith as small as a mustard seed we can say to a mountain: be thrown into the sea,' and it will be done. If we have faith we can shake the very foundations of this world!! Do you believe that the God of the universe is on your side? I challenge anyone who does believe in the God of the universe, to step out and do something for God, or pray for something big to happen. Pray with your friends that the foundations of this world would be shaken. Taking risks might look different for different people. For some it might mean building deeper relationships with the people around you; or showing generosity to those in need, or hospitality to others. For me I think it mostly has to do with taking courage to stand up for what I believe in: speaking what's on my mind, standing against injustice, and speaking to strangers about what I believe in. Whatever it is you struggle with the most, I challenge you to do that, and to do it for God.

God bless and I miss you all back home!

The Latest

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Well I know I haven't written very much since I've been here in Port Elizabeth, so I think I owe you all an update from the past few weeks...

Overally our new living location is amazing! The three guys have a room to ourselves with one extra bed, for guests staying with us. Two of our leaders share one room, and another leader has a small room to herself. And all of the nine girl students are in a big room together. But there is a also a large living room where we can see the ocean (unfortunately it's not within walking distance like Jeffrey's Bay). We also have a nice kitchen area, with two refrigerators (one was given to us for the duration of the trip by the church.) In fact they also donated a couple of couches and a tv as well, although we only use it on our days off (don't worry about us wasting time in front of the tv). Our house is also in the middle of one of the nice areas of the city, so we don't have to worry too much about safety. Our neighbors are all real friendly, and they sometimes let us go over and swim in their pools too. Speaking of which, the weather here has been hot hot hot! I don't think we've had rain in several weeks, but that's not too abnormal for South Africa. I'll be praying for you all, I hear that this winter is quite a bear over there!

Since we've finally gotten a little more "settled" in our house, we've been looking into the various ministries we might get involved in. Mostly they are orphanages and care-centers for the street kids, or for kids who come from at-risk homes, or if they have no one to look after them. The kids have all been brought in under the supervision of a social-worker, according to new laws, where the kids can no longer just walk-in, they must be "checked-in." Besides the orphanages, we'll also be working with the Algoa Frail Center, which houses permanately disabled children, mostly for mental illnesses. We get the opportunity to really open these kids up, they might not understand very much, but they do have personality. Whenever we walk in there with our guitars they start singing "deep and wide" or "bambalela:" which is an Africa song. Some of our team will continue doing "house visits ministry," which basically means looking for opportunities to evangelize while building relationships with families in the Walmer township. For me, I'll be working in the Qwazikale township area with an organization called CCMP: or Combined Christian Missions to the Poor. They are kind of like an orphanage, but they run a lot of programs as well. They do Sunday Schools, soup kitchens, homework help, gardening, Bible studies, youth programs, and much more. A lot of the programs they run so that they can try to find kids that come from at-risk families, and then they follow up with a social worker to pull the kids out that house.

Basically our schedule is mostly the same this semester, except we're spending more time at our ministries, and we have a lot more flexibility to pursuse relationships as well. We do a small discipleship time on Monday and Wednesday mornings. Thursday mornings we do a family ministry, where we all come together to do a big project as a team. For example last week we spent a few hours cleaning up some of the stuff at this place called Maranatha, do they could get things ready for their school to start again. Officially Friday is our day off, and Saturdays we spend doing "intentional ministry," which means we have time to go back and really get to know the people we met, or do something special during that time that you can't do during the week. Sundays are still pretty busy too, with church twice, and youth group on Saturday. A lot of the people on our team are also involved in worship practice on Thursday night, and small groups on Wednesday nights. So things are going to start to get real busy from here on out, but I am very excited about it. I'll be sure to tell you more about CCMP next blog, I really think they have a great mission for reaching the poor.

Just a few prayer requests:

sickness on our team:several of us have hit it pretty hard recently
opportunities to serve and build relationships, especially with the local youth group here
pray for my support (we still need about $800 and that should cover the rest of the trip)
pray for the Jeffrey's Bay and Swaziland teams as well, it's been hard to not know all that's going on with the other teams
pray for good cooking skills-it's my turn to help cook this week!!

God bless everyone over there in the US, I'd love to hear how everyone is doing!

Waiting on the Lord

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Sorry I haven't written here on the blog for awhile now, we've just recently moved to our new locations for the second half of the trip and my team is getting settled in Port Elizabeth. We also discovered that there are not very many internet cafes where we live, so it's going to be harder to get access to the internet from here on out. There is a lot that I want to tell you all about our new home, and I'll see if I can upload some pictures soon, but I just wanted to start of this semester with a really awesome God-story from this week.

One of the first things we did as a team this semester was to do what we call an ATL, or "ask the Lord" outreach on one of the more needy streets of the city. We broke into groups of 3 or 4 and then started praying that God would show us where he wants us to go and what he wants us to do. We were all very nervous from the start, just because we always feel like we never actually hear anything from God, or if we do "feel something" we're not always sure that it's God talking. I was pretty much feeling the same way, and not honestly expecting anything really special to happen. I figured that at most we would talk to some random people and perhaps pray for or encourage someone along the way. Thankfully I was with a group that acted really patiently, and honestly waited until we definitely heard something from God.

One of the very first things that came to my mind when we were praying at the beginning was this passage: Proverbs 3:4-5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." And for some reason I also just heard the words "trust" and "go" stick out in my mind. And as I was looking down the street I saw this run-down building that used to say Trust something or other, and I took that as a pretty clear sign for a direction to go in. And so after we prayed for a little while and no one else got a really strong calling for anything, we went ahead and trusted God and "went." So we wandered up and down that street, still really unsure what to do with ourselves. Two of our group members started to feel unwell after we had walked awhile, and they thought we must have gone too far, so we turned back. And after like an hour of wandering I really felt like we should at least try and talk to someone. So we tried a few people, but didn't really get any connections or anything. Then we finally sat down and prayed some more, and Victoria finally told us that she thought she had seen something, but wasn't sure enough to tell everyone in the group about it. But she said she had seen a medium-sized red building that we should go to, and she thought she knew where it was too.

So we walked back to where the building was. And to my great surprise, on the side of a medium-sized red building was the word "trust." And when we went, I didn't know who to talk to, so I asked the security guard at the door if she if anyone needed prayer. And again to my surprise she took me over to another guy who works there and he started sharing with me a little bit about himself. Apparently he and some of his friends had recently been going through a drug rehab program, and he wanted us to come and speak one of the nights and share with them about God. So we prayed for him, exchanged numbers, and now we're just waiting for things to happen. And the next thing that happened was another confirmation that God was definitely wanting this to happen. Before-hand a team-mate had seen a street named Downey, and so she was thinking of Robert Downey Jr for some reason, and she thought to herself: if I see a street named Robert St then we are definitely walking down it. And when we get outside the red-building, we realized that we were already on Robert St!!

I know that God sometimes works in crazy ways, and if this isn't a confirmation of that, I don't know what is. I guess the point of all this is that I learned how valuable it is to really do things God's way and not my own. I might be able to pray for some people here and there and make small difference in the world. But really when we start to wait on God's timing and genuinely listen and wait for Him to call us, that's when things will really start to move.

God bless, more to come soon, so keep in touch!

The Obedience of Sister Chang

Fri, 2 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I've recently been interested in the persecutions of the church in China. I don't know why, but I feel like we have a lot to learn from the stories of Christians there. I copied this story from the testimonies on www.asiaharvest.org if you're interested in reading some:

"The reason I wrote to you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything."

2 Corinthians 2:9

When God spoke to Sister Chang, a house church leader from Henan, he told her to do something that made no earthly sense at all. He told her to go and preach the gospel on the steps outside the local police station. Such an action may lead to arrest even in Western nations, and in Communist China it is a sure way to invite severe punishment. But the more Sister Chang prayed about it, the more clearly the inner voice of God continued to tell her to do it. Finally, she saw no option but to obey God.

Standing on the top step outside the police station, she boldly proclaimed the gospel to astonished onlookers. Within a few minutes several officers dragged her inside and placed her under arrest. To the human eye her obedience looked foolish, but God can see things that we can't.

Sister Chang was sentenced without a trial and sent to the local women's prison, where she was placed alongside thousands of spiritually lost souls. She boldly and lovingly proclaimed the gospel to her fellow prisoners. The light of the gospel spread like wildfire. Within just three months, 800 women believed in Jesus! The entire atmosphere of the prison changed, and new sounds of praise and worship were heard echoing down the prison hallways and in the courtyard.

The prison director was greatly impressed at the change in the atmosphere and was able to trace it to the preaching of Sister Chang. He brought her into his office and said, "You have made my job easy! There is no more fighting between the prisoners and the women have become gentle and obedient. We need more people like you working here. From today, we have decided to let you go free. We want to give you a full-time job here in the prison, and we will pay you 3,000 Yuan per month" (about US$ 375, a fortune in rural Henan). He continued, "We will also give you a car and your own driver, and will find you comfortable housing."

Sister Chang briefly considered the offer, and then replied, "Twenty years ago I became a disciple of Jesus Christ and he has been wonderful to me. I don't believe your offer of a car, driver and salary is in line with what Jesus wants to do with my life, and I belong to him. All I want to do is preach the good news."

Despite her rejection of his offer, the director released her from prison that day, and she continued her ministry for the Lord.

It always pays to do what the Lord tells us to do. Don't argue, don't fight it, and don't try to work out all the details with your mind. Just do it. That is one mark of a true disciple of Jesus Christ.

Bloated Believers

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:22

"Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. If you say, But we knew nothing about this,' does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?" Proverbs 24:11-12

Confession: I have not obeyed God's Word as I should have. I study the Bible and thirst after knowledge, I hunger for the salvation of others, but I have not done anything to make it happen. I have stored up for myself spiritual food and not given any out to those needing it most! I am a hypocrite. I am a believer yes, and I have faith, yes. But my actions do not demonstrate a faith in the Creator of the Universe. In order to know Jesus for who he is, and learn to call him Lord and honor him as such, one must become a disciple. A believer of Jesus knows of Jesus and has learned about salvation and repentance and sanctification. A disciple of Jesus may not necessarily know a lot about all those things, but what he does know he acts on, without hesitation. Brother Yun puts it this way: "True disciples are often misunderstood. They are viewed as unstable fanatics. Often the same governments that tolerate the existence of mere believers will stop at no end to eradicate any disciples from within their borders."

Our state of existence as Christians in America is very comparable to overweight and unfaithful servants. God has given us work to do: harvesting the lost souls of this world, and we are busy stuffing our minds and hearts with more spiritual food than we could ever need. How can we be so selfish storing up for ourselves knowledge of God and not sharing it with the world? James 3:13 says: "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom." Why do we need to any more English versions of the Bible, or commentaries, or life-application books or journals, when we can't even obey what we are commanded to do? I'm saying "we" because this clearly applies to me as well, and I am just as guilty as anyone over in the US of the same hypocrisy. But let us not forget what we are called to do: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." -Romans 12:1-2 And "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27 And "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." -2 Timothy 2:22 We must come out of our sick state of being, and begin running the race set out before us. "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to receive the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it for a prize that will not last, but we do it for a prize that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run as man running aimlessly; I do not fight as a man beating the air. No, I beat by body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

A God Story

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So I heard this story about one my fellow team-mates and it really struck me as a powerful testimony to the power of prayeful faith. I've known his testimony for a long time, but I heard this particular part of it for the first time today I really wanted to share it. My team-mate Blair has not exactly grown up as a Christian; in fact he only became a Christian a matter of months before coming on this trip. He has an amazing testimony of how God changed his life of drug and alcohol addiction into who he is today: a solid and faithful, passionate man of God. Unfortunately I don't have the time to share his whole story, and I don't think I could really do it justice anyway, so let me just share this one part:

Blair did not grow up in a Christian family. His father left when he was young, and his mother did the best she could to raise him alone I think. Although she was never a firm believer in God, she did have some small seed of faith in her life, and would pray every day. So when Blair started to get more and more involved in drugs and alcohol, she prayed harder and harder. Eventually it came to the point where Blair could no longer live at home anymore, and he was forced out. But still his mom continues to pray. Eventually God finds his way into Blair's life and frees him from that former life. He goes through rehab and begins to change his life around completely. He quit the rock band that he was part of and spent all his free time in prayer and Bible study. Basically he showed everyone that God has the power to change peoples' lives, even today.

Later on Blair looks back at his mother's journal to find that every day after he had been forced out of the house his mother had written in her prayer journal for him. She was not even a believer yet, but she faithfully lifted him up in prayer, and her prayers were answered. And today they are both firm believers in the power and presence of God. I think it's pretty clear we don't see this happening very often any more. Why is it that we don't see God moving in powerful ways like that? It was certainly common place for the early church, and during revivals and in other countries of the world. BUT WHY NOT HERE? I think that we don't see God working in amazing ways, because we aren't living by faith in Him. In all reality we don't need to have faith in God any longer, because we are secure in our material things, our weekly church services and our safe prayers. How often do we put ourselves in a position that demands faith? How often do we pray for something passionately, expectantly, and faithfully: something that we cannot do on our own. Perhaps if we had faith like that, then God would reveal himself to us in new and exciting ways.

Some quotes on prayer:

"The prayer power has never been tried to its full capacity. If we want to see mighty wonders of divine power and grace wrought in the place of weakness, failure and disappointment, let us answer God's standing challenge, "Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not!'" (J. Hudson Taylor)

"Satan trembles when he sees the weakest Christian on his knees."

"I look at a stone cutter hammering away at a rock a hundred times without so much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the 101st blow it slpits in two. I know it was not the one blow that did it, but all that had gone before."

Questions and Thoughts

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So about a week ago I had this urge to just get all my crazy thoughts out of my head and put them down on paper. Here is a small collection of some of the crazy ideas I like to ponder in my free time...This is what happens when you start to give your life completely to Christ, there is nothing too big or too crazy that you can't do it! Specifically I've thought about becoming a math teacher, becoming a missionary, going to China to serve the underground church, living in Philedelphia with a group called The Simple Way, starting house churches in Marion and Rochester, or going to college at Roberts Wesleyan and running on the track team while finishing up a degree in either math education, Bible, or something missions-related....here we go:

how can I get into the missions field? where do I go? china? how do I learn Chinese? When I learn Chinese, will I still be the same person I am today? will I enjoy serving in China? Will I be able to handle the persecutions? What will God lead me to do there? How can I live dangerously? I've never had to do that before! I'm too used to living inside a safe-zone, where it is not difficult or dangerous to share one's beliefs, so what can I do to help? Do I settle for becoming a math teacher and sharing the gospel on the side? Do I need more preparation and training before I go (yes, I obviously do). Do I finish at RWC and do all the training and running and discipleship I can and then get into a missions organization from there? I need to practice the discipline of Bible study and meditation, I need to learn a foreign language, I need to be qualified to teach mathematics, I need to be called....or do I need all those things? Really all I need is God's calling and that will sustain me through hardship and difficulty beyong what I might otherwise manage...What can I possibly do without God's calling and his blessing on my life? What can I possibly do on my own? maybe accomplish a little bit, but nothing outstanding at all.

God where do you want me to go? Where can I now see myself serving you that is in your holy will? What is my current life purposes and goals? Where should my focus be right now? Do I need training or do I just need to go and be faithful? What is it that training does for me? What is the most important aspect of training? People think it's the language skills or perhaps the missional/evangelistic/communication skills, or learning to be interdependent or being a servant. Perhaps it's just learning to be faithful in God, to trust in Him and be disciplined enought to listen to His voice and do his will. How will I ever choose a missions organization when I don't even know what it is I am supposed to be doing? Am I a servant, a math teacher, a chuch planter, a pastor? Do I believe in the organized church anymore? What do I do when I get home this summer? Is my focus to make money, to run, to be a more disciplined servant of God, or what? Some people are called to do different things, and it was clear that my calling to South Africa has a very clear and specific purpose, but what exactly is it? Why did God bring me here? Why to South Africa? Why can't I be around more disciplined Christians where I learn to save money, study the Bible, memorize scripture and pray like all the time? Why is this so difficult? How can I live missionally? How can I change my lifestyle to better conform to the pattern of Christ? How can I renew my mind? How can I get in the right mindset so that these questions are answered by God's will for my life? What is that "first step" in the process of growth???? To whom do I turn? to where do I go?

I think I have to learn that the most important part of my "training" as a Christian is not really Biblical knowledge, nor is it cultural or language skills, nor is it relational people skills. The most important thing that I could ever "learn" is to just trust in God and his calling for my life. SO...if this is true, do I need to finish college? I think I definitely need time to grow spiritually, before I find God's calling for the rest of my life. But then again, perhaps that is why I am in South Africa? Here I am away from all the culture and normal life, I have time to learn and apply and grow in faith in Jesus Christ. I wish I had spent more time thinking about it before!

I think that's all for now. There will always be questions of course, that's part of what living a life of faith is all about. I just feel like now is the time to "wrestle" with the questions that I do have, to get more answers somehow. Please feel free to leave comments and suggestions. I don't pretend to have all the answers to life, and I love to hear advice from everyone! Thanks and God bless!

Finding the Will of God?

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to be great among you be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." -Matthew 20:25-28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

I had just been reading through another one of my books, and it was talking about what it means to be in the will of God. One thing that struck me as very significant is the very blunt difference between the two "masters" of these passages. In the first passage we get an idea of what the masters of the earth look like: coming over the top and exercising author over people. For people who have earthly masters, it is relatively simple to obey: you must simply do whatever they tell you to do. But Jesus demonstrates for us a different kind of master, a "Son to Father" but also "Friend to Friend" partnership that mimics Jesus' relationship with God. I think that having this intimate relationship is what it means to be in the will of God.

I don't think that God calls people to do things, as much as he just calls them to Himself. Certainly the relationship we have with God is much more important that the actual things we do. Or how can we go out into the world to preach faith in Jesus if we are not living a lifestyle that demonstrates faith in Him? But as God reveals himself to us, and we grow in faith and trust of Him, we can't help but act in the will of God. There are no more condemning "responsibilities," such as "do this or else you are not in the will of God." That is how our earthly masters do things. Jesus does not give us burdens we are not able to carry, nor does he force us into serving Him, it's always about building a greater relationship.

People sometimes seek out the will of God from an "earthly masters" perspective, and it has a great and terrible affect on our thinking. We have come to the conclusion that being in the will of God is all about the things we do, but this is not so. We keep asking God tell us the specifics: where to go and what to say. "Please God, reveal your will to me," we often pray. But what is there that needs to be revealed? The will of God is not really an action, it is a relationship: a state of being that leads to an action. When we focus solely on growing our faith in and knowledge of God, and when we learn to walk with Jesus every moment of every day, then we can't help but to serve Him and to love others.

God is actually pursuing us to build a relationship, and we keep asking Him to tell us what to do! He desires relationship, and we are trying to work our way into heaven! All he desires is intimacy and companionship. This is the most spectacular part: because God is actually pursuing us into that deeper relationship with him, and not just to do "bigger and better things," there is an awesome freedom in Christ. We have been called "friends" of Christ, and we are now partners in the Master's business of building His kingdom. And still I don't think it's the building of the kingdom that God wants us to focus on. It's too easy to get so wrapped up in preaching and teaching that we don't take time to build our relationship with God and with others. It's possible that ministry could even become another idol. But that is not what God wants from us either. He wants us. He wants us and nothing else.

One last tidbit of a thought for anyone who is struggling to find the will of God in their lives right now... Before you start asking the specific questions about God's will for your life, like where to go to college, or what to do with your life, or how to better minister to others, think first of your relationship with Him. Are there any sins that have prevented intimacy between you and God? Do you spend time with the Father learning and growing in knowledge of Him? Do you have a hunger to pray and read your Bible? Do you have a hunger to see others know God the same way that you do? It could be that God does have something very specific for you to do, but we get so wrapped up in finding our own ways to serve God, that we don't stop to actually listen to what He has to say! Spend some time in quiet listening, and forsake every idol that has come before our relationship with God. Do this daily until you can start to hear His voice speaking into your life. It is my hope that when the people of God are finally in tune with Him, we can no longer tolerate sin in our lives, nor the injustice and perversion of our culture, nor the suffering of people all over the world. Our hearts will no longer be cold hard stones, but God says "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God." Then we can declare with the Psalmist: "Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice." -Psalm 105:1-3

A Day at Port Elizabeth

Tue, 9 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

This weekend we got the opportunity to go into Port Elizabeth, where part of the team is going in January, and meet some of the local church leaders we will be working with. On Saturday they had a carnival set up for kids from the townships to come and play, and they asked us to help out. So we started off by meeting their missions pastor, Ithemba, who was very excited to finally meet us. He seemed to be very enthusiastic about the help we have to offer, and he has some specific ministries already set up. It was interesting to hear from Ithemba that from South Africa, from his church missionaries are being sent out, even overseas. So I think we all left very excited about next semester now that I know some of the people. What was most exciting was how involved their high school youth group and college-aged adults are in their programs. In most churches that has become a pretty rare thing to have more than one or two adults who run a program for the youths. But it was really cool to see how smooth things could go when there are one or two leaders who can delegate tasks to the youths, who can then provide a lot of the energy and enthusiasm for the younger kids.

Basically all we did for the carnival was to jump alongside their youths and run a few games and crafts for a few hours and then helped to serve food. One group of us did an "egg toss:" where the kids had to toss eggs back and forth between partners and then they get further and further apart, until the egg eventually breaks. They also did the limbo, which was probably my favorite game to watch: they are so amazingly flexible! Some of the other teams did face-painting, a bouncing castle, some crafts, and others. One other game that looked like a lot of fun: they would tie donuts onto a string hanging from a tree, and then without using their hands the kids would have to eat it as fast as they could.

Overall it was a great way to start off the ministry at Port Elizabeth. I love everyone on the team that we will be working with, and I think we're all excited for what's going to happen in January!

What's been going on Recently?

Thu, 4 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Sorry I have written any blogs recently, things have been a lot busier than normal. Last weekend we did have a Thanksgiving vacation, from Thursday afternoon until Tuesday, and that was a much needed break. We've been mostly busy with our discipleship in the mornings, where we are studying a book by Michael Frost: Exiles. It's a great book that talks about how we, as Christians are never meant to settle in this world, but rather live like exiles, just passerbys in this life. And with that mindset we are to remember the dangerous stories of the Bible, dangerous promises from God and to each other, to make dangerous critiques to this world's earthly kingdom, and finally to sing dangerous songs to help us remember the truth.

Right now I'm finishing up the final project, which is to create a 5-year plan for living in a city as an absolute exile. It could be different for every person, but basically the goal is to create a community of exiles, reaching out in places the author calls "third places:" not in the home, not at work, and not at church. A third place is a place where people can relax and talk about whatever is on there minds, discuss serious things or just have a cup of coffee. The author views this as a means of evangelism, when Christians can bring up conversation about God in a relaxed setting. One does have to be careful to use the word "evangelism," as is has such a negative connotation to many people. It's not as if Christians are trying to force people to believe anything, we are just there to discuss the truth with anyone willing to listen.

Hopefully I'll be able to show a small clip of project soon. I was assigned the city of Wasilla, Alaska, which should be very interesting...

More to come soon!

The Power of Communitas

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I'm guessing the first thing you probably thought when you saw this blog articles was how I misspelled "community," but that's not actually what I'm going to talk about. Today I was reading out of this booked called Exiles by Michael Frost and the author talks about this concept called "communitas." What does that mean exactly? It's sort of like the building blocks of community, it's what brings people together and causes them to bond and grow and unite in love and compassion. The author uses the example of a tribe in Zambia called the Ndembu. The tribe would, as a sort of rite if initiation, have the young men leave the community for a time and live in the jungle on their own. During this time the elders and "holy men" would visit the young man and teach him the "lore and learning" of all the adults. This time was not only a period of separation from the community, it was sort of like a transition into the community for the first time. It was only through trial and tribulation (the hardships and struggles just for survival) that the young boy could actually join the community, who had also gone through those same struggles.

These periods of transition are not usually faced alone either. The author uses the example of troops who have fought in wars together bonding under the common goal of fighting the enemy. Only those who have really gone through deadly trials together can have that shared bonding experience: that love and understanding that speaks of those who have journeyed together. And the same is true in many other groups of people: sports teams, a guild of skilled laborers, artists, journalists, missionaries. Look even at the 12 disciples of Jesus, who as individuals would never have gotten along: Matthew the tax-collector who served the Roman Empire and Simon the Zealot (a group devoted to the removal of Roman rule). But after coming together for the common task of following Jesus they became a brotherhood and a family. They became a community.

In many ways the ideas of "community" and "communitas" are completely opposite to each other. In a community the focus is bent inward to those inside the group, with a desire to encourage each other and build each other up, to love one another and to take care of each other's needs. But in communitas a group of different people are forced to come together and focus on something outside the group, a common goal or task to accomplish. The communitas helps to push the group forward by setting aside the differences they would normally have to focus on the task at hand. And over time they may eventually develop the genuine love and mutual respect evident of a community.

It's interesting to note that communitas is a pre-requisite to community. When you try to pursue community just for the sake of community then you often miss the mark. You end up creating a false community with individuals who "pretend" to love one another. It's a lot like asking soldier you haven't fought with to give you their allegiance. Or in the author's words: "like your church demanding your allegiance and your weekly attendance without giving you a cause to work towards." How can there be a community in such emptiness? But on the opposite end of the spectrum look at all the powerful communities can be created when you go through communitas first. The disciples followed Jesus around for 3 years and then as a result created community together. But ontop of that look at the community created when the early church was scattered! Look at how fast the church both then and today grows when it is persecuted! It is not a coincidence that the Western churches who live in freedom are losing members, while the Chinese and Korean persecuted churches are multiplying. So how can we be like these persecuted churches that have bonded together under hardships and turmoil? How can we create opportunities not just for community, but also communitas? I leave that up to the individuals out there to decide. But let me just say that even though we are not persecuted for our faith in Jesus, we still have values that are in stark constrast to that of American consumerism. Challenge yourself to live up to the values Christ sets for us and not this world! Let us struggle together and thereby become a true community!

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to receive the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run as a man running aimlessly; I do not fight as a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Jesus, the Exile

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

What does it mean to "follow Jesus?" What does it mean to walk as he did? Does it mean we should literally pack up all our things, walk out the door and start preaching in the streets? Even I don't think that's all that following Jesus is, although it sounds more and more appealing all the time. Sometimes it's a struggle to stay within the bounds of the average church in America today, as self-centered and superficial as it can be. Where is the dangerous, risky living? Honestly how often do we really live by faith? Do we ever put ourselves in a position where we are force to live by faith in God? We constantly have plans, back-up plans, and of course insurance in-case the plans don't go as planned. If we take a serious look at the life of Jesus though, he lived as an exile in his own culture. And when he says that his followers will do even greater things than he did, why do we find that so hard to believe? Why do I find that so hard to believe? Do we not think that God will provide if we only put our trust in Him?

In another blog I talked a little bit about a Chinese Christian nick-named Brother Yun, who was severely persecuted by the Chinese Communist government, yet he continued to boldly proclaim the gospel. Interestingly, in his biography I'm reading he came to visit many of the Western countries that sent missionaries and Bibles into his country and helped to start their own revival of Christianity. But when he came he found that many of the Western churches were very cold-hearted, and did not seem interested. Of his own people, he says: "Every house-church pastor in China is ready to lay down his life for the gospel. When we live this way, we'll see God do great things by his grace." Not all Western churches are asleep and many do yearn for revival. But revival will not come on its own. Many Western Christians have asked Brother Yun what it is we can do to start a revival as there has been in China. There were three things he laid out that Chinese Christians take for granted in their lifestyle:

1.) Return to the Word of God. The Word of God is sharp and active, and there needs to be an active reading and a "cutting" that goes along with it. It is not the job of the church to "apologize for the gospel" or make it seem nice with watered-down sermons and seeker-friendly churches. Our job is to go out into all the nations and teach the truth to everyone. And that means we need to know the truth that he reveals to us in His Word.

2.) Obey the Word of God. Genuine obedience to the Word of God alone would solve numerous problems in our degrading culture (both American and Christian). But more than that, who will ever listen to our testimony if we can't even live up to our own standards. Not that anyone will be perfect, but there needs to be true confession and repentence when we do stray.

3.) Take the Word of God Everywhere. Genuine revivals are always followed by missions to all parts of the world, wherever the need is either most desperate or the Word has never been heard. When God truly moves in your heart, you cannot remain silent. There will be a fire in your bones (as in Jeremiah 20:8-9). Realistically though there should be missions both local and abroad. Don't feel like you have to travel far, because there are plenty of people locally who have either never heard the gospel message spoken to them personally, or never really understood it fully. You won't have to go far to find someone who needs to hear about God.

If I could just summarize with my own thoughts: Following Jesus is never easy at the beginning, but in the end it is always worth it. When Jesus called his first disciples, they had to leave everything else behind before they could move forward again. And even when they had moved beyond their past they still faced great difficulty: persecution and martyrdom for most of them, but it was always worth it. As Jesus says: "Whoever find his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."- Matthew 10:39. And one day we will be able to say along with Paul that "whatever was to my profit I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."