Shane Claiborne wrote “Sometimes we speak to change the world; other times we speak to keep the world from changing us,” and this blog is inspired mostly by the latter, as I am writing it mostly as a reminder to myself, and not to or for anyone else.
I have been rather bored since school finished, mostly because I’m not working on a regular basis, but only when I get called in, which has been only about 4 days in the past two weeks. So other than my running, which now that I finished my marathon on Saturday has also dropped off dramatically, I have had nothing to do. So I spent some time re-watching The Lord of the Rings movies for the fun of it, and am especially struck by a short conversation between Aragorn and Eowyn: ” ‘What do you fear, my Lady?’ ‘A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond beyond recall or desire.’ ”
Let me just say that it is agonizingly difficult to be honest, but I remind myself that this is for me, and not for you. What am I realizing is that, the more I think about it, I have indeed grown accustomed to the safety of my cage, and lost much of the desire that once stirred and burned within me. Even just a few years ago, as the stories and blogs written here can attest, I travelled halfway across the world because I believed in something so strongly that I wanted to share it with others. And of course I still believe. It’s just that I am so much more afraid than I used to be. It’s easy to take risks and be vulnerable when you don’t have anything to lose. But somewhere along the way I found something of value to me, even if it was only temporary in nature. And it is difficult to let such things go.
Sometimes I feel like I have settled for far less than what God really wanted for my life. I could be living in Africa or something, “giving my whole life” to the cause. But this is just self-pity and self-deception. I know that I don’t have to go anywhere at all to serve God with my “whole life.” But what is it that keeps from giving Him all my life and time? Is it doubt? Is it fear? Is it selfishness? I am doubtful. I am fearful. I am selfish. I am caged. I am comfortable…
But since every day is a new day, I will remember that today I can make a choice. Today, will I be afraid? Will I be selfish? Will I allow myself to remain caged? Or will I step out in faith, reach out to those in need? to ease the suffering of the world and rekindle another’s faith? May all we who struggle in this together, learn to remember this: let us consider how we may spur one another toward love and good deeds. God bless!
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/26398-we-need-boring-christians