Shane Claiborne wrote "Sometimes we speak to change the world; other times we speak to keep the world from changing us," and this blog is inspired mostly by the latter, as I am writing it mostly as a reminder to myself, and not to or for anyone else.
I have been rather bored since school finished, mostly because I'm not working on a regular basis, but only when I get called in, which has been only about 4 days in the past two weeks. So other than my running, which now that I finished my marathon on Saturday has also dropped off dramatically, I have had nothing to do. So I spent some time re-watching The Lord of the Rings movies for the fun of it, and am especially struck by a short conversation between Aragorn and Eowyn: " 'What do you fear, my Lady?' 'A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond beyond recall or desire.' "
Let me just say that it is agonizingly difficult to be honest, but I remind myself that this is for me, and not for you. What am I realizing is that, the more I think about it, I have indeed grown accustomed to the safety of my cage, and lost much of the desire that once stirred and burned within me. Even just a few years ago, as the stories and blogs written here can attest, I travelled halfway across the world because I believed in something so strongly that I wanted to share it with others. And of course I still believe. It's just that I am so much more afraid than I used to be. It's easy to take risks and be vulnerable when you don't have anything to lose. But somewhere along the way I found something of value to me, even if it was only temporary in nature. And it is difficult to let such things go.
Sometimes I feel like I have settled for far less than what God really wanted for my life. I could be living in Africa or something, "giving my whole life" to the cause. But this is just self-pity and self-deception. I know that I don't have to go anywhere at all to serve God with my "whole life." But what is it that keeps from giving Him all my life and time? Is it doubt? Is it fear? Is it selfishness? I am doubtful. I am fearful. I am selfish. I am caged. I am comfortable...
But since every day is a new day, I will remember that today I can make a choice. Today, will I be afraid? Will I be selfish? Will I allow myself to remain caged? Or will I step out in faith, reach out to those in need? to ease the suffering of the world and rekindle another's faith? May all we who struggle in this together, learn to remember this: let us consider how we may spur one another toward love and good deeds. God bless!
(This blog is in response to Reflections on Justice, Peace and War, see below)
Wow, first of all, I did not expect to see one blog receive so many comments from people I don't know at all. I'm glad to hear the discussions going round, and I hope to continue to inspire questions in all of you....(I aspire to become a teacher someday)
In response to the comments on the Just War theory blog below, I feel there are a number of comments that I need to make.
First of all to those are serving in the military or who know some close family member in the military, I would say that I honor your commitments to our country, and the necessary sacrifices you have made that keep this country at peace. I think it's excellent that we have people as brave and self-sacrificing, because that is something truly noble: to lay ones' life down for their brother (as the Bible says) is the greatest love of all. And seeking justice in the world, what could possibly be a nobler task? It is no small effort, and soldiers often receive little thanks in the matter; many come back with scars both physical and emotional that no one should have to bear.
The problem with war, as I see it, is not that our intentions are bad, because we do want to see justice in the world today. And America often stands alone in seeking justice in areas of the world where no one else would go. But I want to specifically address what happens in war when our soldiers get there.
I'll be honest, I have never been in war, nor have I heard any first-hand accounts of it. What I do know of war is what General Sherman (during Civil War) says: "war is hell." And I think under most circumstances people are more concerned about winning the war as quickly as possible, and not about ensuring that our methods are above reproach. For example, we are fighting a war, and the enemy uses bombs to attack our civilians, uses illegal gases to poison our people, and then tortures and mutilates our POW's, and how should we respond? Are we to use any means at all in order to ensure that the enemy is defeated? How many enemy civilians would we kill in order to ensure their surrender? Or, on the other hand, how many of our soldiers can we sacrifice in order to ensure that our cause is still truly just? I think we all know what America's response has been in the past, and that is "our country's lives are worth more than other country's lives." I don't know whether people really believe this or not, but it seems to me that that's how we treat the matter.
But if we are to morally consistent in fighting a war, I think we should hold ourselves to a higher standard, before we become a tyrant bully nation, and other nations see fit to depose us for our unjust actions. Just because we have the most guns, and generally speaking, the best weapons, does not give us the right to be the global bully of the world.
I would go even further in saying that Christians, as followers of Jesus Christ, citizens not of this world, but of the world to come, hold a very unique and higher position when it comes to morality and war. I think that the decently moral thing to do (for non-believers) is as I have explained above: to wage war according to basic just war principles; a nation should only go to war if it has the following:
-Proper Authority
-Just Cause
-Right Intent
-Proportionality of Cause (the benefit outweighs the cost)
-Reasonable Prospect of Success
-Last Resort
-Just Means
Otherwise the war is not just, and should be condemned by its citizens. Christians, I think hold a unique position, because if you do believe in Jesus Christ, and you have been "crucified with Christ, and no longer live, but Christ lives in you" (Galatians 2:20), then we ought to act as Jesus does, and do what Jesus says to do. And in order to make my point as completely as possible, I want to talk about it in 3 ways...
1.1. What is justice?
Perhaps the fundamental question behind this whole argument is what we all think justice really is? Aristotle said that in order for a person to act in accordance with morality, he must do the just thing, over and over again, and so eventually become a just person. When we prosecute people for doing something wrong, we hope in some way to teach that person a moral lesson. A perfectly logical and sane person, not lacking for food or other resources, should he decide to become a thief and steal a car, he should be punished because it is wrong to steal. In this case the punishment (generally speaking) suits the crime. If someone steals something, it is necessary that they return it and then serve time in a jail or prison as a punishment (stealing time perhaps?). It is our hope that justice is served because the car is returns (or paid for) and more importantly the criminal will have learned something from his actions.
Now for example if the crime is murder, we have another different case. For what punishment is suitable for a person who has stolen that most valuable of all things: a person's life? Even God said in the Old Testament, in Genesis 9:6- "If anyone takes a human life, that person's life will also be taken by human hands. For God made human beings in his own imagine." (anyone want to argue about capital punishment while we're at it??) Anyways, it actually IS just according to many belief systems to take a person's life if they have taken someone else's. It's that old eye for eye and tooth for tooth mentality that Jesus speaks of during his Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7). But what does Jesus say Christians ought to do now? Jesus says that he has come to perfect the law, and not to abolish it. This is an important distinction because we know according to Old Testament and essentially the 10 commandments what is right and wrong. And it IS morally acceptably in Biblical terms to take life in seeking justice (I don't argue that fact). But Jesus here gives us an additional command that goes above and beyond what is "decently" just. So, let's get to it, then, what does Jesus have to say?
"Do not resist an evil person"
"Love your enemies"
"Pray for those who persecute you!" (Mt 5:39, 44)
Okay, you might ask, what logic is there in that? Well, let me get to my next point...
2.2. Teaching a Lesson?
Jesus principles in the Sermon on the Mount demonstrate the powerful principles of non-violent resistance. I also really enjoy Paul's description of the principle in Romans 12:20-21 "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads. Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good."
Granted this seems absolutely illogical and bird-brained at first. Who would seriously give aid to one's enemy? Who would seriously offer the other cheek to someone who had just slapped the first? Is Jesus asking us to go around asking for pain? No, and I believe Jesus knows what he is talking about. If we were to resort only to Old Testament methods of "eye for eye" and "tooth for tooth" we all end up blind and hungry, don't we? And more importantly, I think no one walks away from such punishment a better person.
I don't feel I have the words to articulate the power of non-violence, and actually loving one's neighbor, sometimes you just have to see it in action, and that's the only way you can believe it works. I know of no better example of non-violent resistance than Gandhi and his followers. Imagine being a British soldier stationed in India and charged with maintaining the status quo of oppression there. When you see someone willing to lie down in the road and refuse to move, even when beaten, and only moving when carried away, you know even though the person you beat had done nothing wrong personally, he demonstrated for all the world to see how your own actions carried you to do something wrong. Maybe in one such instance it does little to change the oppression of India. Quite true. But then again, even if no one will listen, that doesn't mean it's not worth saying something.
3.3. Grace Rules over the Sword
If there is one thing I have learned it is that love is more powerful than hate, and grace is more effective than violence. Yes it may lead to Christians being ridiculed, walked over, and persecuted. And yet they will KNOW we are Christians, by our love. There's nothing more I can say to anyone through words. As my favorite author said "most good things have been said far too many times, and just need to be lived." And I would like to re-state something I put in my first blog, perhaps the most important point I want to make overall: "we are not called to be successful; we are called to be faithful." When God tells us to love our enemies, that doesn't necessarily mean that it will result in our enemies loving us back. Maybe someday we can hope and pray that they will change their hearts. But Jesus exhorts us to be like God, in genuinely selfless love, who "gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust." Let us not forget that God chooses to love us when we are not perfect, and so we must also love our enemy, even when he does not love us perfectly (or at all).
So I truly hope this in enlightening to some, and I hope we can all think more deeply on the matter. And if you are interested in asking more questions, and digging deeper, I would recommend either watching the movie "To End All Wars" or reading my favorite author's book, The Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Claiborne. These will give you the stories to back up what I can only say in theory. Happy ponderings!
So I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking about an upcoming presentation I will help give at the end of the semester on "just war theory." From the start, I was very firm on the stance that there is no such thing as a just war, and I wanted to take this opportunity to share with people what my reasons for thinking are, and perhaps convince some along the way. I decided, however, since I want to gain a wider perspective on the idea of war as a whole, to argue the opposite side of what I believe: that there is such a thing as just war. And I'm definitely widening my horizons and seeing both sides of the picture. Specifically I've been reading The Sword, The Cross, and the Eagle, by Davis Brown, and he gives an overview of the American and the Christian history behind the just war theory. The most compelling argument so far is how each side chooses to define "peace." If one thinks everyone should be pacifists, then it becomes impossible to maintain what the author might call a "healthy" peace. That is, if there is no one to maintain order, and protect the rights of individuals, both in our own country and around the world, then there will be suffering, persecution, oppression, slavery, and all sorts of inhumane activity. I think that no one really wants our world to look like that, but then what role does government play in maintaining order? And more importantly what role do Christians play? And then if we have Christians in government, what role do they play?
I am very attracted to the Mennonite, Ana-Baptist, Amish tradition of staying out of politics entirely, because that allows Christians to live a drastically differing life-style from the world, and will hopefully attract the disenchanted and suffering of the world. Brown, on the other hand, believes that Christians should definitely be involved in politics, especially in America, where we are clearly a majority. His reasoning: as Christians, why wouldn't we want to establish Christian values and beliefs in our people by establishing laws that coincide with what God says are moral? If what the people practice is moral, then of course the people themselves will be much happier and better off. This is also an attractive argument; however, I am much less convinced. I think Jesus knew something about the nature of man when he chose Shepherds, fisherman, prostitutes, and tax-collectors as his band of followers. Jesus made it simple that his kingdom was not going to be created from the top-down through some sort of governmental laws or military-enforced justice. Jesus' kingdom is much more counter-intuitive, and would be created from the lowliest of the low.
I feel like I have come full circle: believing in pacifism, then perhaps seeing the need for war to maintain justice, and then coming back to the teachings of Jesus. I do believe that we all want to see justice in our world today. At the same time I am tempted to say we will never see justice, not really, because of the fall of man; but doesn't God want us to build his kingdom on earth too? "Let your kingdom come, your will be done" as it says in the Lord's Prayer. The only option left, then, is that we are supposed to create justice in our world today, but we aren't supposed to resort to violence. The only option we have is to take the very hard road of non-violent resistance, as Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi, who took their inspiration I believe, from Jesus, did. What does it mean for a man to love his neighbor? To turn the other cheek? One of the hardest things for Christians here in America to accept is this: we are not called to be successful, but we are called to be faithful. So whether or not we are successful in bringing evil to justice is not relevant, we are commanded to love our enemy. Christians may be pacifists when it comes to war, but we are not to be passive about war.
I wrote an essay last week that really made me think. The topic of the essay was to describe my experience here at Roberts so far and how it has made an impact on me. As you might imagine, trying to sum up the total experience of hundreds of new relationships, difficult courses, unforgiving teachers, long essays, interesting food, and everything else that has made my college experience unique turned out to be no small task.
But there are several things that stick out in my mind about my experience here at Roberts. Since I am a transfer student, the first thing that has distinguished Roberts from my former school is how very down-to-earth and fun people are. I have found so many different people that I can relate to in so many different ways. Above all else, I love that we can talk about almost anything. It's possible to have conversations with various people about faith, marriage, sex, family, friends, sports, life, religion, politics, God, and almost anything else.
But I've also noticed that, despite our ability to talk about all these things, not very many people will actually open up about our real struggles in life. I know we have the ability to be real and authentic when it comes to faith and God, but many of us (myself included) hide these deep personal issues, keeping the hurt bottled inside. Most of us are very weary, I imagine, carrying these heavy burdens around, all the while wearing a mask of carefree happiness.
Maybe you can begin to ask yourself some of these questions, as I have: What would it mean if someone were willing to take the time to minster to your needs and listen to your complaints? Are you in need of a listening ear? Why do we close our eyes and shy away from helping one another? Where does this polite, "respectful" silence surrounding our life issues come from? Who says you have to deal with them all by yourself? Not God. Jesus said, "Come unto me all who are weary and burdened, and I shall give you rest" (Matt: 11:28). If we are to be Jesus-followers, we should also be doing that for one another. As Shane Claiborne said, and Krista Tippett quoted during our Academic Day conferences this past week: "Who we are to one another is one of the most important questions of our day."
We are all imperfect here, and at times we prefer to hide behind masks rather than face whatever issues exist in our life. It's a paradox in our nature to hide those things that hurt us the most. Isn't that interesting? What is it that we fear? Perhaps we fear being judged. Perhaps we just don't believe we are strong enough and we need the support of others before moving forward. But if we are to be real Jesus-followers in this world today, we need to begin, as Jesus did, making the Word flesh. Just as Jesus put on real skin and bones, action and emotions, got up and walked around in real shoes (or sandals), and started touching real people's real hurts.
We all long to be understood. We all wish there were someone out there strong enough to break down the walls we build up every day. We hide behind masks, waiting for someone with the courage to look behind the mask and uncover the real person that God intended us to be. Christ has set us free, and we are free indeed, but we still fear, and our fear keeps us from living out our faith. We are like the prisoner Eowyn spoke of in the Lord of the Rings. "What do you fear?" Aragorn asks. She answers, "A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them." What habits and struggles, sins or problems have you become a slave to? How can you begin to gain freedom?
My challenge to each of you reading this is article is not necessarily to find someone to talk to about your issues, though I pray you can do that also. My challenge is that you go out and start listening to the needs of others. Ask God to give you eyes to see and hearts to feel the hurt around us all. When Jesus looked out on the crowds, he had compassion on them and saw them as sheep without a shepherd. We may not be shepherds like Jesus, but we can certainly listen and point people towards the good shepherd. We can pray for others, encourage them, and show them the love of Christ. And it's my prayer that we would all gain strength from sharing our burdens with one another and learning to face challenges together. I challenge you also to read through the book of 1 John, which is all about showing love to your brother. I'll finish with this challenge from 1 John 3:16 and 18: "We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters... Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions."
Do you ever feel like you're going through the motions in your walk with God? Like you read your Bible because you have to, and pray because you feel like you should?
It seems to me like whenever I try to do what's right in my own strength, I end up failing. Sure I could commit to reading the Bible every day or waking up really early to pray and do Bible study. But I've learned time and time again that if my heart is not in it, then I don't get much out of it. I go through the motions. So what are we supposed to do?
You know what I think? I think we really need to stop trying so hard. We need to stop forcing ourselves to pray and read the Bible simply because "it's the right thing to do." I think that God is patient with us, and would rather hear our complaints and excuses then to hear us try to do things on our own and fail. I'm not saying we should be deliberately give up just because it's hard. What I am saying is that we need to be real with God. Talk to God and be honest. There are numerous examples in the Psalms when David cries out with brutal honesty about his fears, his lack of trust, or the terrible life situations he is going through. And you know what? God never rebuked David for his lack of faith. God was there even more in the moments when he lacked faith, because when we are weak, he is stronger. When we realize that we cannot do things on our own, we learn to trust more in God. That is perhaps why David was one of the greatest kings of Israel, because he was real with God, and it made a difference in his life.
Let's just look at another case example from Scripture to better illustrate what I mean. Not too long after Jesus had risen from the dead and the Apostles started preaching in Jerusalem there were people given over everything they owned so that they might serve God better (no one was ever asked to give up anything). And this couple, Ananias and Sapphira, for whatever reason also decided it would be a good idea to sell their possessions but keep some of the money back. God decides to do something about it, and their punishment was swift: the both of them fell over dead immediately after being accused by Peter.
So what's the point of this little story? The point is God doesn't need our money, or our prayers, or anything else from us. The one thing God wants is the one thing we most loathe to give away: our hearts! Just think what a change it would make in our lives if instead of having to wake up early to pray to God we actually wanted to wake up early to meet with Him. Or if instead of having to tithe our 10% "duty", we gave whatever was in our hearts to give?
Why do you think Jesus said that the greatest commandment is simply to love?
My challenge to each and every one of you reading this, the next time you talk to God, don't just follow the same old pattern of "dear heavenly father, bless me, and help them, and thanks for food and shelter, amen." Why not actually talk to Him like he's actually there listening to you? Read the Bible as if he's actually speaking to you. Make it personal. Journal if it's easier for you, but express to God what you're actually feeling. Let God into your heart, because the real source of change is not actually us, but it is God working in us, from the inside-out.
So I guess with this blog I want to officially announce a new beginning in my life. I've been hoome from Africa for only about 4 and a half months. It's crazy, because sometimes the experiences we had are so clearly remembered I would think they happened just yesterday. And other times it's like it was forever ago. I do miss living in such an awesome and challenging place, and I will always remember Africa as one of the greatest influences on my life. But now I back home again, and struggling to get on with life. It's so different when you know you're living as a missionary, and when you come back to the US.
Yeah I guess we sometimes think that in order to be a missionary you have to live in a jungle somewhere where there are no Christians and walk around in khaki pants learning tribal languages...One of my most important lessons from Africa is that you don't have to be in the middle of the jungle to be a missionary. In fact, my time in Africa showed that their culture is actually not so different from ours. They struggle with questions about their faith, living out the commands of the Bible, and sharing their faith with others, just like we do in America. So what does it look like to be a missionary to ones' own culture? That is the questions I keep asking myself over and over again.
A part of me wants to simply fall back into prior habits of conformity, quietness and maintaining the status quo. Another part of me believes that I should "be intentional" wherever I go. Kind of like pretending like I'm in some the jungle where nobody knows God, and I am their only hope. Maybe being a missionary simply means following the Spirit's leading, and allowing him to use me wherever I go. I honestly don't know. All I know is that today I am not the same person I was when I left for Africa one year ago. And I know it will be hard, but this coming year I also want God to do amazing things in my life. Africa or America. "jungle" or city. missionary or student. Jesus, take me as I am, and use me for your glory.
This following "post" I actually wrote back in November of 2007 on my facebook account, and I've just gotten back to re-reading it. A lot of this stuff I personally experienced during my time in Africa, and I wanted to share it with you all, it's about discipleship, and Jesus' method of bringing sheep into the fold; I hope you enjoy:
I've been reading this book called The Making of a Disciple by Keith Phillips, and I highly recommend it to anyone who has a heart for ministering and discipling others. It's really starting to become my own conviction in life to disciple others in Christ, even in full-time ministry somewhere. To become a disciple means more than to become a Christian. One can easily claim to "have Jesus in their heart," but a rare few of those ever learn to actually follow Jesus. This following is what being a disciple is all about. Jesus's first command to the twelve disciples was not "go and preach to all the nations," it was simply "follow me." Anyone who was willing to leave his job, his family, his home began the long process of following Jesus, and not all of them made it. Indeed even one of the twelve betrayed him.
Those who did stay with Jesus, and later became his apostles, his witnesses to the world, they were not special because they were well-educated. If God wanted well-educated people he would have called the Pharisees. They weren't rich, or well-known, or even especially faithful when they started. They were called because they were obedient to him. They followed him. No matter what they had to give up, or what sins they had to repent of, they obeyed. Just look at the life of Peter. He had to change from being self-righteous and over-confident, to where God could use him to serve. God even used the experience of Peter's denial to change him into a humble servant. "Just as the son of man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." And when Jesus reinstates Peter, he says to him in John 21:18-19 "I tell you the truth, when you were youngeryou dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go...Follow me!" Jesus was trying to make a point here, he was telling Peter that it's more important that you be humble and listen to what I tell you, then for you to try to earn your own salvation.
A true disciple, a true "leader," as Jesus put it, is someone who first of all sumbits to God, then secondly, becomes a servent to others. How do you actually submit to God? What does that mean? It means that whatever it is that's more important to you than God must be abandoned, and given to God. Paul said: "whatever was to my profit I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things" Philippians 3:7 Basically, the disciple must become like Christ in all things. Paul makes an astounding claim that we must actually crucify ourselves, that Christ might dwell in us fully. For all intents and purposes we have become dead people walking around. We are corpses for Christ, but he doesn't leave us that way. The sooner we abandom any claim on our lives, and our time on this earth, the sooner he begin a new work in you. (Galations 2:20, Romans 6, Romans 12:1-2) What is the work that God wants us to do? Like I've been saying, first and foremost he wants to transform you into Christ's image. To made like Christ in death, and thereby like him in life as well. Becoming a Christian is not about what you do, but who you are. God wants your hearts first.
What does God want you to do once you have put yourself to death? Listen to the words of the Great Commission again, and think about them: "Therefore go and make disciples of all the nations." He didn't say go and make converts, he didn't even say go and make Christians, he said make disciples, or better understood, followers. And how does one learn to follow Christ? They must know Christ in order to become like him, so the only way for them to learn is to be around Christians. This is a serious matter, because it's not just about telling them the gospel, it's about teaching, correcting, rebuking, training in righteousness. Jesus spent 3 years with his disciples, and they still weren't quite perfect. How much longer must be bear with one another in teaching young Christians. Paul states that "though there are 10 thousand guardians in Christ, there are not many fathers."-I Corinthians 4:15. Most people don't have someone to personally teach them and help them grow in Christ. Paul was a father to the churches he planted. He did not simply preach a sermon, and then leave them. No, but he persevered and did not stop until they were spiritually mature themselves, and able to teach others. Paul loves with an intense love for all of his spiritual "children," and he truly suffered and bled for many of them. Just skimming through the Bible, it's hard to miss the intensity with which he cared for his flock of wandering sheep. A few verses: Colossions 1:28-29, II Corinthians 11:29, I Thessalonians 2:17-20, and many more.
The thing to remember is that discipleship is God's chosen way of leading other into the family of God. Evangelism does a great work in making people familiar with God, but often leaves young Christians too weak to care for themselves, and dissolustioned with the church that virtually abandoned them after their conversion. Sure it looks good to be able to say that we have brought thousands to saving knowlege of Christ, but how many of them have gone on to become faithful followers, even able to spread the gospel to others. You see, then, that the proof is not in how many spiriual children you create, it's about how many grand-children and great-grand-children, that's the proof in the pudding right there. Remember Jesus spent 3 years with his disciples, day and night, they really never left him, and he was the son of God! How much longer does it take for us to teach and build up others in Christ?
If you remember only one thing from all I've said here, remember this: The best way to spread the gospel is not reaching thousands year after year who eventually lose faith and fall away. If we can only reach and truly teach 1 person every year, though it may start out slow, the numbers grow exponentially. for anyone that knows a little math, it's sort of like looking at linear graphs and exponential graphs: the linear graph starts out above the exponential, but the exponential grows slowly and eventually overtakes the linear graph. So too, reaching only 1 or 2 people every year, you will eventually reach more people than the evangelist who saves thousands year after year!! This is because every person you reach out to disciple will be able to continue the work as well. The numbers grow quickly...1,2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, 1024, 2048, 4096, 8192, 16384, 32768, 65536, 131072...
That is God's chosen way to reach the world. Don't let yourself believe that you have to be a preacher or a pastor to spread God's word. You are God's messengers! "Go and make disciples of all the nations!"
Well I had I figured that when I got back home April 30th, it would be the last time I would ever seen any of my AIM friends. But God has given me this extra special blessing of being able to come to the "final debrief" for the Jeffrey's Bay and Swaziland teams. Let me explain: on my last flight back home April 30th, there was an overbooking, so they offered a $400 voucher to anyone who would take a later flight, which I decided to take, and now here I am today in Atlanta, free of cost!
It has been such a blessing to get to see people one last time. We knew back in January when we were first splitting into our three teams that some of us may not make it to the end, some of us may go home early, or stay in Africa longer, so it could have been the "last goodbye." I guess I never expected I would be one of the people to not make it, so it was definitely a shock thinking I'd never see some of my team-mates again. But here I am!
Praise God that he is good, I get the opportunity to be united with the full team (minus Port Elizabeth's) one last time. It wasn't easy coming back here knowing I'm just going to have to say goodbye again, but I do think it was good to finally have that "closure," knowing that this trip is over for everyone. Maybe it's just a part of readjusting to normal life, part of the transition into America, I don't really know. But it feels good going into the next stage of my life, I feel more ready, more determined to step forward.
As Tag talked about for our last session together, we all have changed a great deal because of this trip, we have started out on a new path. The real challenge now, the reason we did all this, is so that we can walk in that path. Pray for me, and for all of team-mates, that we might be able to do just that. America here we come!
Well for those of you still out of the loop of information (which could be most of you, since I haven't written here in awhile), me and the Port Elizabeth team have now left South Africa, and we're spending one last day together in Georgia, to kind of "debrief" and talk about our crazy experiences, life lessons, and get ready for the reverse culture shock of returning to the USA.
Even already we all feel so overwhelmed by the change that we are about to experience. We all knew that going to live in Africa was going to "change our lives," but I don't think anyone really understood what a changed life might look like. We spent a lot of our travel time together reminiscing about stuff in Africa, sometimes laughing sometimes crying. It was tough to say goodbye, I think we all cried when some of our church family woke up early to send us off in PE. Since then we've struggled to grasp the idea that we may never see these people again, and what hurts even more, is that very soon we will say goodbye to our team-mates for the last time as well. Despite having the past week to write each other notes of encouragement, to say everything that nees to be said, and hug everyone as much as possible, it doesn't make the final goodbye any easier. We are seriously and truly a family of believers here in PE, and it feels like our family is all being ripped away from us.
But we all know that God is still with each and everyone one of us, and we have hope, because we know that God is greater than any barrier of distance or time. One day we will all be together again in glory, and perhaps then we can understand why God brought us through such a difficult time together. It's not for us to know the answers now. But now is the time for us to have faith.
I'm pretty tired from all this travelling, and I'm not even done yet. But I have a quick two hour flight back to Rochester tomorrow! Then I can finally just crash and let things sink in for good. I hope that even though this trip and missions experience may be over, you will all still keep in touch and look out for more updates. I guess I get to keep this blog page, so I'm sure I'll continue to use it for whatever journeys God has for me next. Until then, God bless, and thanks to you all for reading, praying, supporting, or even just thinking of our team! I love you all and I'll be home soon!
It's really hard for me to explain in full detail what I'm going to say. But it's been decided that it is time for our Port Elizabeth team to go home. I'm sure if you've been following this blog you've heard some of the hardship we've gone through this semester. Nicole decided first that God was calling her home and we said our goodbyes then. And one week later we found out that Victoria was also ready to go home, and we had to say goodbye again. We thought things were finally getting back to normal, when on April 5th Sarah Buller died very suddenl in a car accident. This was by far the hardest "goodbye" we've had to say yet. We spend one week doing nothing but grieving our loss and trying to hold everything together. Even then the question was being asked "what is our team going to do now?" Can we really bounce back after this incredible loss? We were at a loss then when we heard on April 12th that three more people needed to go home. They were all of them especially close to Sarah and it's understandable they needed to get away from this place. They were not ready to continue their ministry and it was in the best interest of everyone that they left. But one again we were sad and at a complete loss for what to do next. We spent one week with friends in another city to get away from our ministry and just clear our heads and try and get in touch with the Father again. Thanks greatly to the love of Tom and his wife Cindy, who opened their house to us, we have started to feel a little more normal again. We've been worshipping God through all this, and seriously thought about what it that we need to do next. And that's when we remembered that God has been in control of this from beginning to end. It's not as if he was ever unsure of what would happen, or surprized. He knew this and planned it this way. And of course He has a purpose in it. That's why we say that "his ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts." we can't ever really comprehend why all this happened, but the only thing we can do is to trust in God and praise him through it all. There was a time meant for us to be here in Port Elizabeth, and we did a lot of ministry and hopefully changed some lives in the process. But now God is ready to start something new again. We are all very sad that we have to leave earlier than we had planned. But we are going home joyful that the real purpose behind this trip was accomplished: to make the Father known to everyone that we met! And hopefully that ministry will never come to an end!
