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             I feel like the question that keeps coming up over and over again is this: “So what are your plans for next year?  What are you going to do when you go back home?” Several of my teammates have now started making plans to stay in South Africa indefinitely. One of our leaders is excited that she has got into culinary school next year. Others have internships lined up, or other missions trips. For me, that question has been quite a struggle lately. I’m almost afraid to answer the question, because even if I did know what I wanted to do with my life right now, I will almost undoubtedly change my mind within the next few years anyways. It’s hard to be committed absolutely to a life path at this age, and yet there it is, being forced upon me. Do I want to go to college and get a degree in math education? That would leave the most options for the future, and it still leaves me opportunities to return to the mission field somewhere and use my skills to help others learn (and teach).

               Two recent events have caused me to rethink this however. First, in a conversation with my teammate Andrew about the future, we were just talking and then he said he got a picture in his head about my future. He said he saw me on the top of a big tower that spirals up, sort of like the Tower of Babel. I don’t know how many of you would realize the hidden meaning behind this (as a matter of fact, Andrew didn’t either), but to me it meant that I’ve been trying to reach God of my own efforts, and continuing to fail, because I don’t rely completely on God. The story behind this is in Genesis 11 if you don’t know it already.

                Anyways, this got me thinking quite a bit about myself. And the problem is I knew this was a problem already, and just didn’t want to think about it. I am often worrying more about what I should do for God, and not about what God has already done for me. “This is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son to be an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”(1 John 4:10) So I don’t know if God wants me to change my actual career path (go to college for math education), or just change the attitude that I approach whatever career path I choose (an attitude of complete surrender to Him). But then a few days later I started to get serious and decided to sit down and pray about it. I told God that whatever he wants me to do, I will do it, because I do believe that his way is the best way. I don’t know what prompted me to do this, but I thought to myself, I’ll open my Bible and start reading, and if I read a passage about “staying” somewhere, then I would take that to mean God wants me to “stay” with my own plans. And if I read a passage about “moving” somewhere, or going somewhere else, then I would change my plans, and again seek God’s will for my future, whatever that might be.

              I don’t know how many passages there actually are in the Bible that talk about “moving” or “staying,” so I kind of figured that it might take awhile. And if I didn’t get an answer for awhile, you know, I could always assume it was just up to me to decide. But apparently God didn’t want me to get away with that, because the very first passage and the very first verse I read was 1 Samuel 25:1- “Now Samuel died, and all Israel assembled and mourned for him; and they buried him at his home in Ramah. Then David moved down into the Desert of Paran.” At this point I’m thinking, okay God, you’re actually really serious about this aren’t you? This is actually a really big decision for me, and I don’t take it lightly at all. I genuinely want to follow God in this, even if it’s hard. It would mean taking a big risk in my life, but risk is always necessary for growth and learning.
 
               I haven’t yet received any of kind of revelation about what I should do. Until recently, I haven’t seriously considered any other options. So basically I’m asking that people would be praying for me. Our spring break starts at the end of next week, and I’ll be spending time then praying and fasting over this as well. And thank you in advance for all your prayers, they are much appreciated!